Ready For A New Year

  

This was my status on Jan 1, 2012. I can honestly say 2012 didn't work out at all how I had planned. I thought I would graduate college, I thought I would meet the man of my dreams, I thought my path in life would become more clear. I didn't think so many of my friends would be effected by tragedy as people they loved were diagnosed with cancer and others left this world too soon, I didn't think I'd miss out on my trip to DC for Rotaract International because I was laid up in a hospital bed, and I definitely didn't think I would be diagnosed with cancer. 

But then I stumbled upon this quote:

"Sometimes it takes rain
To make the flowers grow
Sometimes it takes real pain
Before real joy one knows
Sometimes it takes tomorrows
To understand days gone by
Sometimes before the laughter
There comes heavy sigh
Sometimes it takes the midnight hour
To value morning light
Sometimes it takes the longest mile
Before things come insight
Sometimes you often wonder
Why your heart can get so sore
But it's the rocky paths in life
That makes you cherish the smooth roads more."

This is so true. And even through the bad, I still have so much to be thankful for in 2012. 


I made my house into a home. I learned how to become 'handy' and more self-sufficient around the house. I organized even more service projects and while doing so, it made me realize the path I wanted to take my group Hands Filled With Heart. I started a blog which has become very therapeutic for me and I've heard encouraging to others (and has had over 6000 views). I took my first spring break/girls trip to Gulf Shores. I had the best time in Las Vegas. I was blessed with another healthy nephew. I made the most money I've ever made. (cha-ching!) My relationship with God grew stronger.  My relationship with my parents grew even stronger (and I didn't think that was possible). I made the commitment to join a church that I had been attending for a couple of years.  And personally, because of everything that happened in 2012, I grew as a person. 


At the beginning of 2012, I was in a 'tween' stage. Being a mom and spending time with Talon was (is) priority but when he was with his dad, I was out running with my girls, and casually dating in between.  When I was diagnosed with leukemia, it really turned my world upside down and I didn't know where I belonged. I'm still not sure where I belong. But I know where I don't belong. My nights of going out and staying up wayy late are over. Long over. I honestly have no desire for that lifestyle anymore, and haven't for months. I will always enjoy a glass of wine but I have no desire for anything more. 

Furthermore, my days of 'casual dating' are over too. These last couple of years, I've always casually dated. Meaning, I would go to lunch, dinner, or out with a guy consistently but only when it was convenient, for both of us. No big commitment. Never serious. I was okay with that. I'm not okay with that anymore. It's been six months since I've gone on a date or attempted any type of relationship with anyone because I don't want that type of relationship anymore. I want something more. Something more meaningful. You know, the type of relationship that you don't even kiss til several dates later. A relationship that you intend to be something more. A relationship that Talon can be a part of. That's what I want. 


I am not the same person now as I was as the beginning of the year. I think what changed me is I realized, this year, that life can change at any moment. Maybe that was God's intentions....


With that being said, it's only tradition to make some new year's resolutions. Afterall, what is the purpose of life if you don't have any goals? And here are mine for 2013. :)


1. Finish both of my bachelor degrees. Yea, I'm pretty sure this one has been a new year's resolution for a couple of years now. This year is looking promising, however, as I'm only one class away and I'm taking this one class this spring. Come May 2013, I should finally be a graduate of Western Kentucky University.


2. Pay off debt. One of my long term goals is to be debt free. I'm talking no credit car, car, or house payment. This past year I did better by not overspending so this year I just want to spend less, and save more.


3. Become healthier. I hope to go into 'remission' in 2013. Though that is really out of my control, what's in my control is living a healthier lifestyle. I know the side effects from my medication for CML wouldn't be so hard on me if I took better care of my body. I plan on drinking more water, resting more, and working out, even if it just means walking on the treadmill a few times a week. I know this is very cliche but I really can't afford not to do this.


4. Be in a healthy, committed relationship. He's gotta be out there, right? 


5. Continue spreading the word about giving back. I honestly feel like this is what God called me to do. And I am going to continue finding ways to do so. 


6. Go to more concerts. Music is my therapy. Live music is even better. 


7. Be a better mom, sister, daughter, friend, employee, citizen, Christian, person. There is always room for improvement.


8. Continue home improvements. My goals are to redo Talons room, replace ceiling fans, completely organize my basement, and remodel my bathroom.


9. Cook more. I love to cook! But I don't always make time. I plan on trying new recipes and cooking as much as I can!   


10. Commit more time to reading the Bible and getting more involved in church. This is something I feel is important personally, and as a parent.  


I wish all of my friends a happy, peaceful, and prosperous New year. I will end my last post of 2012 with words from the great Benjamin Franklin:

"Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better (wo)man."

Happy New Year!

Family Matters Friday

So since I’m on break from school, and since Talon is on break from school, and since I had a few days off from work due to the holidays, Talon and I have been able to spend a LOT of time together, and I’ve loved every minute of it but it’s also made me realized something: time is going by way to fast.

If you know me, then you know we are always on the go. And because of that, time slips by. And it was this week that I realized just how fast…

I’m a procrastinator and I didn’t finish Christmas shopping and picking up food to cook until Christmas Eve day. As soon as Talon and I got up Christmas Eve morning, we got ready, got in the car, and started searching all over town for our last minute needs. While in Kroger, while I was panicking because I forgot my grocery list, Talon rattled off everything that I said we needed. We go to the self-check-out line, he scans everything for me, and we were in and out of Kroger in less than 10 minutes. If any of you have been to Kroger on Christmas Eve day, then you know this was quite a feat. When we got in the car, not only did I thank him for being so patient and helpful, I also thought to myself, “When did you get so old?” I remember the days when I would purposely go to the grocery on the days Talon was with his Dad because he would whine if we were there to long, and somehow the cart would end up with things that weren’t on the list. And now, I have a helper.

After running our errands, we finally make it home. One of the reasons we went to town was to stop at Michael’s so Talon could decorate a couple of ornaments for his dad and me as a present from him. (his idea) (On a side note, go to Michael’s on Christmas Eve—all of their Christmas decorations, trees, ornaments, lights, etc. were 70% off!) So once we made it home, Talon went up to his play room, painted, wrapped, and labeled our gifts all on his own and placed them ever so gently under the tree. I can’t even explain the excitement that filled Talon’s eyes when it was finally time for his dad and me to open those gifts from him. It melted my heart.

And then the day after Christmas, I worked from home, and Talon hung out with me (since he didn’t have school). Before we went to bed the night before, I let him know that just because we were home, and he was with me, I would still be working so he can’t ‘bug me’.

When I woke up that morning, I went upstairs and straight to work. About an hour later, I heard Talon get out of bed but he didn’t come upstairs. So I went downstairs to check on him and there he was laying on the couch, watching a movie on his iPad, eating donuts, and drinking a Pediasure, all of which he got all on his own,  no questions asked. I gave him a big hug and thanked him for being so big then went back to work. Throughout the morning and afternoon, I would go to check on Talon and find him in his room playing basketball, then laying upside down in our big comfy chair watching TV, then laying in his bed playing Wipeout on the Wii, then in the living room flying his toy plane, then back in his bedroom playing with his new Batman Castle, then back upstairs, laying upside down in the big comfy chair watching TV again and NEVER did he ask for anything. When it came time for lunch, I fixed us some spaghetti. It was then I remembered, “I forgot to remind you to brush your teeth!” He quickly corrected me, “I already did that mom, as soon as I got out of bed!” This is me being the overly emotional person I am but that brought tears to my eyes, for many reasons.

First, a part of me felt like a bad mom because he pretty much was left to fend for himself all day.  I know that’s part of the “bringing your kid to work” but I still felt bad. Granted he did have a house full of new toys to play with, and I know he was happy just to be around me, but I still felt bad. Second, when did my baby get so big? It made me happy that he is now big enough to do things for himself and entertain himself BUT it made me realize just how big he really is. Where does the time go?

Then I felt guilty. I thought to myself, if Talon had a brother or sister, then I wouldn’t feel so bad because he would have someone else to play with. He’s 5, I’m not even closed to getting re-married, so if and when he ever does have a sibling, they will probably be too far apart in age to really even play together. I always imagined I would have about 3 kids, and always imagined they would only be a couple of years apart, and now because of my health, and the way life has worked out, there is a chance Talon will never have a brother or sister, and that makes me sad. I think about the relationship I have with my sisters and all of my nieces and nephews and I want Talon to have those types of relationships too. Can time please slow down?

Then as always, Talon said some “only child’ things that not only made me appreciate our bond as a single mom/only child, but also made me laugh.

Talon is overly spoiled at Christmas by both sides of his family. He gets way too many presents, and I will admit I’m part of the problem as I almost always get him everything he asks for.  I mean, he’s my only child. J So before Christmas, I reminded Talon that he is very lucky that he has so many family members who not only are able to buy him gifts, but also love doing so, as there are many kids who don’t even get one present on Christmas. So I then ask him what he should do if he gets a present from someone that he maybe doesn’t like, and he says, “Like a girl toy?” Yes, like a girl toy. “I tell them ‘no thank you’, then give it back. “ Well, at least he was being polite?

Then while lying on the couch one evening, we were watching a movie and in this movie there was a marriage ceremony. Talon looked at me and said, “What’s that vacation called after you get married?” I replied, “A honeymoon?” Talon then confirmed, “Yes, a honeymoon. When you get married, then I will get to go on the honeymoon vacation too, right?” Thank you Talon for having faith that I will one day get married and thank you again for having faith that by time I do get married, you won’t be ‘too old’ to hang out with me. J

Confession: Even though it does make me sad that Talon doesn’t have a family filled with married parents and brothers and sisters, I still love the bond and relationship that just the two of us have together. I love ‘our time’ and try to do as much, just the two of us, together as possible. One of those things is Monster Jam! A couple of years ago, we spent the weekend in Indy watching Monster Jam and visiting the Children’s Museum. I just bought our tickets for the January show and can’t wait for a repeat, fun filled, weekend with my most favorite person in the world!

 

   

Merry Christmas!

Ahhhh Christmas. It truly is the most magical time of year. There are MANY reasons why I love this time of year, the obvious one being the symbolic:  it's a celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. But I also love the literal reason: that celebration brings together so many people, so many friends, and so many families. 

Growing up, my parents and family made Christmas magical, in so many ways. As far as I can remember, we would make and decorate Christmas cookies, watch the best Christmas movies, make reindeer food, go Christmas shopping, and eat the best food. We were always with family, always with my aunts, uncles, and cousins, at my Mamaw and Papaw's house, at our house, at the bowling alley, together. The entire family, just enjoying every moment. 

But those weren't the only things I remember about Christmas growing up. I also vividly remember my family donating and giving to others who weren't as fortunate enough to be able to enjoy the holidays as we did. I remember my family sponsoring a boys home for Christmas. They invited all of the boys for Christmas at the bowling alley. They bowled, ate, and then opened presents specifically bought for each of them off of a Christmas list they provided. I remember my mom volunteering to take a fellow classmate shopping for Christmas. And I remember her always filing up the "Toys For Tots" box at the bowling alley sky high with toys. I remember my mom telling me why they did things like that and it made me more thankful and appreciative of the fact that our family was/is so fortunate to be able to do the thing we do for ourselves, and for others. And most importantly, I remember staying up super late on Christmas Eve to attend the late night church service which reminded us all of what Christmas was really about: the birth of Jesus Christ. 

And now that I am an adult, now that I have my own child, I truly appreciate everything that my parents and family did for us growing up to make this time of year so magical, in so many ways. And as a parent, I strive to give my son the same type of Christmas: a Christmas that is about family and fun, a Christmas that is about giving to others, a Christmas that is about Jesus Christ, and a Christmas that is about tradition .

With that being said, I hope all my friends takes some time these next couple of days to spend time with family, remember why we are celebrating, and just enjoy this magical time of year.  Merry Christmas!

Confession: Here are three of my favorite Christmas traditions that I enjoyed as a child that I share with Talon:

 

1. Advent Calendar: This was always one of my favorites. In the month of December, before I would go to school each morning, I would eat the piece of chocolate behind the door with the current date. We always used the 'one time use' advent calendars but this year I found a reusable one. This tradition was probably one of Talon's favorites this year because he has a better concept of date and time and knew when Christmas was coming. :) 

2. Mickey's Christmas Carol/ Very Merry Christmas - Sing Along Songs : These were both two of my favorite Christmas movies as a child. These were released in 1980's and I'm pretty sure we had them since the day they came out. Every single year, we would listen to the sing along songs while decorating the tree and watching the Christmas Carol multiple times during the month of December. Since then, Disney has remade these to make them a bit more 'modern' yet they still have the same great meaning that Talon and I enjoy together.

3. Reindeer Food: This was always a must when I was a child. We had to leave reindeer food (dry oatmeal mixed with glitter) out so the reindeer wouldn't overlook our house (because of the glitter). This is something Talon and I do every year.