My Year

What a year, what a year. What. A. Year.  

Last night, I read all of my posts starting from the first day I started blogging. It made me laugh, made my cry, and made me really thankful that I started blogging. If you've ever thought about blogging, do it.  You'll thank me later. :) 

And when I came across my post from this day last year , all I could think was, "Wow".  And to really understand why, you need to read that post, here.

What a turn around  this year was.  2012 was a year I didn't expect, at all, but 2013 more than made up for it. 

I'm a college graduate,  my cancer is in check, I'm now doing what I love and what I feel I was created to do as a career, and I fell for a boy who I'm crazy about. 

2013 was my year, and I am ending it completely happy, hopeful, and excited about what's to come.

The only resolution I'm making this year is to keep following the path God has created for me. This year proved that when I do, amazing things happen. 

From my family to yours, Happy New Year!

A Health Update

So it's been a while since I've given an update about my health. So here it is. I just went to my 16 month check up and the news is...

I'm still PCRU! 

Basically, being PCRU is the CML version of being in remission. In CML terms, it’s called a ‘response’ and not remission because remission can imply cure, or cancer free. There is currently no cure for CML. However, there is treatment via a drug therapy and this drug therapy, if it works right, should allow me to live a long, ‘normal’ life. The goal of this drug therapy is to gain maximum response which halts disease progression and puts the disease into a continuous state of very low level chronic stage CML. To learn more, click here.

So from here, I just keep on keepin' on like normal. I still have to take Gleevec every day since this is life long treatment, and hope and pray it continues to work each and every day and my CML doesn't progress, and do blood work every 4 months to make sure all is still well.  

The next milestone is the 2 year mark. Studies show that if you can be PCRU for two consecutive years, the likelihood of the CML progressing is dramatically reduced, which is exciting. 

I also received more good news from my doctor. Initially when all this began, I was under the impression that I would have to do a couple of bone marrow biopsies and aspirations during the initial treatment. For some reason I didn't blog about the first time I had a bone marrow biopsy and aspiration (maybe because I didn't want to relive the experience) but it was the most painful thing I've ever experienced, ever. I'm not sure what was worse:: a needle the size of my leg (maybe I'm being a little over dramatic but not much) being inserted in the back of my hip all the way to my hip bone and sucking the marrow out (I really almost passed out from the pain of that) or the grinding and grinding and grinding on my hip bone until a piece of my hip bone broke off so it could be sent off to be tested. Mind you I was awake and aware during this entire process. Worst. Pain. Ever. Don't believe me, Youtube it. :) It was hard to walk for a couple of days after that. BUT my doctor informed me that as long as treatment keeps going well, he doesn't see a need to do a bone marrow biopsy and aspiration anytime soon. High five! 

And even better news, my dosage has been reduced. Initially, I was taking 400 mg of Gleevec everyday. That is the standard dosage, regardless of  weight/height. Even though some of the side effects have subsided, not all of them have (such as the nausea, bone pains, upset stomach, extreme fatigue) and I deal with those things on almost a daily basis. I have good days and bad days and those bad days are really emotionally challenging. So because I've been responding well, my doctor lowered my dosage to 300 mg a day. While I was excited to hear this, I was also slightly disappointed. I was hoping to go down to 200 mg as many other CML patients have in the past.  My thought is, since I have to take this everyday for the rest of my life, I want to live as normal of a life as possible, even though I do have leukemia. And living a normal life as possible is dealing with as little side effects as possible. I know I'm not a doctor but I have done a lot of research on my own and I feel confident in only taking 200 mg a day. So  I made the executive decision to do just that. And turns out, so far  it was an okay choice to make as even after months of taking less than the doctor recommended, I'm still PCRU.  Worst case, if my CML starts to progress, we will just increase my dosage again. 

So yea, that's the status of that. Thanks again for the continual prayers and support from all of my family and friends!

To read about my entire CML journey, click here. 

Right Where I Need To Be

So my life these past couple of months have been unexpectedly, a little crazy. In May when I graduated from WKU, I wrote a post about the next chapter in my life. I had it all figured out. Yeah, about that-- Recently I was reminded that no matter how organized, planned, and OCD I am, I can't control the future, just prepare for it. I knew eventually I wanted to start a career in teaching, or in the non-profit sector, or in our local government, just wasn't sure what or when, just sometime in the future.  But what I did know and do know is that I was created to be involved and to make a positive difference in my community, some way, somehow. Initially it started with me volunteering, then by advocating, and eventually starting my own non-profit that encouraged and gave others the information and resources as to how they can give back as well. But from there, I wasn't sure what was next. Meanwhile, until I figured that out, I would continue my career in the mortgage business because I did enjoy it and it provided financial stability, which is important as a single mom.

 Flash forward 5 months later... I was forced to re-evaluate that decision. And because of that, I've had to figure out--Where do I belong?  What do I do now? 

Those are difficult questions for anyone to have to figure out the answer to and even more difficult being a single parent. I pride myself on being independent, financially and emotionally stable, and just 'having it all together' for the sake of myself, and for my son. But all of a sudden, I didn't feel like any of that.

 <<<Hindsight, what I thought was one of those difficult bumps in the road we all dread, turned out to be the kick in the butt I needed to finally start doing what I was created to do. 

During this time of 're-evaluating' where I was supposed to go from here, an unexpected opportunity presented itself to me. A non-profit that I've had a connection with for some time was seeking to fill a new position. And the more I learned about this non-profit, the more I became interested. The organization's goals/beliefs/mission is exactly what I am passionate about, and very similar to that of my non-profit, Hands Filled With Heart, just on a much larger scale. And more importantly, the timing was perfect. 

After several weeks of conversations, interviews, talking to others, and praying about it, I'm excited to say  I am officially the Resource Development and Financial Stability Coordinator for United Way of Central Kentucky.

So a little bit about United Way of Central Kentucky--

The UWCK's vision is that each individual in our community is self sufficient in the areas of health, education, and  financial stability-- building blocks for a good quality of life for all.

They don't provide direct service to individuals who need help. They are essentially a fundraiser, a resource, and more recently, a conversation starter. You'll see what I mean shortly.

So how do they do this? In the past, they would just raise money and fund over 20 agencies and 31 programs in our area. These include Springhaven, Feeding America, CASA, Hardin County Schools, Elizabethtown Independent Schools, etc. You can see a whole list here: http://www.unitedwayck.org/Funded_Agencies.php  .The focus of most of these organizations is to meet the basic immediate unmet needs of individuals in our community. Example, Feeding America has the Back Pack Program that provides food to children in our community every weekend who might not otherwise receive any food until they are back in school. 

Something that United Way of Central Kentucky has observed over the years is that this need is getting bigger and it's caused them to shift their focus a bit. Yes, it's important to provide this immediate basic support to these organizations for these individuals but what's the end game? How do we get these people back on their feet to become self-sufficient? 

It's like the old proverb says-- Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.

That's the focus now-- Keep raising the money to distribute to the over 20 agencies and 31 programs in our area to provide basic needs to those who need it now but also start getting these agencies to starting thinking about and start implementing programs for the long term and how to end this cycle of poverty and get these people back on their feet.

Speaking of poverty, 1 in 6 people and 1 in 4 children in Hardin, Grayson, Breckinridge, Meade, and LaRue counties are living in poverty. Our goal at United Way of Central Kentucky is to cut that in half.

How are we doing this? By working with education professionals such as Nannette Johnston with Hardin County Schools, and working with financial experts, and health professionals and using their knowledge and brainstorming ideas on how to reach our goal. United Way of Central Kentucky doesn't have the knowledge or ability alone to end poverty. It's a community effort. We are just getting the conversation started and connecting those together who can. And already, great things are happening. 

(click on the picture for more info)

So that's where I'm going and if you can't tell, I'm pretty pumped about it. I have no doubt that this is where I belong. You'll be hearing more about this in the days to come so stay tuned. :)

And of course I have to mention---Think Before You Donate-- Myth Buster

It's that time of year when the "Think Before You Donate" picture starts floating around Facebook. United Way is one of those 'they' are trying to detour you from. Just like anything you see on the internet, do your research. All United Ways are independent so this is what I can tell you about the United Way of Central Kentucky-- They are doing some amazing things. Furthermore, the money raised at United Way is NOT being spent frivolously. Every dollar donated is strategically given to different programs and non-profits that benefit individuals who need it in our community. We have a very small staff (4 full time and 2 VISTAs), and I assure you, no one is making 'the big bucks'. One of the sacrifices I had to make by taking this job is taking a major MAJOR decrease in salary than what I've been used to in the private sector.  As a matter of fact, I'll also continue to work at my family's bowling alley a couple of nights/weekends as well just so I don't stress financially. Why would I ever willingly choose to work 2 jobs? Just like most people who work for a non-profit--  you do it for your passion in that field, not for the money. My passion is in giving back and improving the life of others so never would I be a part of an organization who didn't have that same passion. Having a job I truly love and believe in is worth that sacrifice to me. Even our office is what you would think about when you think about a non-profit-- a grass roots, hole in the wall office. There are only two very small offices and a small open area with a conference table. Everyone kind of just gets in where they fit in. It's nothing nice or fancy, it's very humbling. And I love it. 

Wash Your Hair, Twice.

So this morning as I was going through my normal ‘getting ready’ routine, I was hit hard with a bad hair day. "First World" girl problems, I know. My hair wouldn’t do anything except look... bad. And it felt like straw. It was really weird. I’m pretty sure I accidently washed it with body wash instead of shampoo, but that's besides the point. I don’t know if any of you (ladies) are like me, but when I have a bad hair day, I tend to have a bad day, day. I mean this in the least vain way possible but I have to feel good about myself, what I look like, and what I’m wearing if I’m going to start my day off right. Otherwise, I just feel sloppy and off sync and that's exactly how I felt after getting ready this morning. I didn’t feel prepared for the day. That’s been the story of my life lately.  And so today, I decided no more!! Today is the day take back control of my life and so I washed my hair again! <-- pretty deep stuff, I know. And you know what, my hair has been full and fluffy ever since. And do you know what again? I’ve been having a great day.  For the first time in a very long time, I feel like the fog has been lifted, all that, just from washing my hair again. It will make sense soon, stay with me....

You see, I’ve been in a bit of a funk here lately. If you read my last post from Sept., then you already knew that. 

I thought about going into the details of what’s been weighing on my shoulders lately but I don’t want to bore anyone with my tiny life problems, and definitely don’t want to be seen as a complainer, because that’s not who I am. I’m very grateful and blessed with the life God has given me. But life deals all of us an unfavorable hand from time to time. It’s what makes life, life. And I would be kidding myself if I were to say I didn’t bring any of this on myself. It’s no secret I live for a fast paced, busy, tad-bit stressful life. The pressure and challenge is what drives me. But every once in a while, it seems one tiny hiccup can throw it all off track, and it starts to affect every aspect of my life, leaving me to question, “Is this worth it? Is this the path I’m supposed to be on?” It’s an overwhelming feeling, ESPECIALLY when you are a single mom. My decisions in life just don't effect me, they effect Talon too.

So that’s where I’ve been lately, and for far too long. And after a lot of talking, thinking, praying, and one too many bad hair days, I decided it’s time for me to quit playing the victim, fix the issues I can, don’t worry about the ones I can’t, wash my hair again, and take back control of my life.

And so here I am. Today is a new day. It's a fresh start. I'll no longer cry about the way things aren't and embrace they way they are.....   I’m back!!!

 

I have a hobby!

So I've been in a bit of a funk lately. I've been dealing with more than normal stress, and just some things in life not working out the way I'm wanting them to, leaving me to question some decisions I've made-- you know, life stuff that we all deal with from time to time. One of the hardest parts of being single (and a single parent) is dealing with these types of situations on your own.

It. Is. Tough.

These last couple of weeks, I haven't felt like doing anything. I've been the biggest homebody. If I'm not working, I'm at home. This evening when I finished working, I put on my comfy clothes, and curled up on the couch. Wednesday nights are the nights I bowl with my parents and I had no desire to go tonight. I had typed up a text to send to my mom to see if she could get a sub because all I wanted to do was lay on the couch but before I could hit send, I reminded myself that I couldn't let my sulking interfere with commitments I've made. So I forced myself off the couch, put on my shoes, and went bowling.

And I'm glad I did.

For those next 2.5 hours, I didn't worry about life's stresses. Instead, I worried about what deliciously unhealthy food I was going to eat for dinner, and whether or not I was going to pick up that 7-10 split. It was fun, relaxing, and a sweet escape. And it was then I realized just how important it is to have a 'hobby'. I haven't really had one in years. All the time I get asked "what do you do for fun?" "what are your hobbies?" "what do you like to do in your free time?" My response is always, "what is that? What's free time?" I've never really made time for that.  If I'm not working, I'm with Talon. If I'm not with Talon, I'm doing something for one of the organizations I'm involved in. If I'm not doing that, I'm with my family or friends, or cleaning house, running errands, doing laundry, you know, adult stuff. When I told my parents I would bowl with them in this league, I immediately retracted my statement the next day with the reason being-- I don't have time. For some reason somehow I've convinced myself that free time isn't something I should have during the week. I should always be doing something productive, especially the nights Talon stays with his dad. I should use those nights to work late and catch up on anything I'm behind on.

My parents found a replacement for me to finish up the league season but yet I'm still bowling, by my choice. Each week I tell them I'll bowl the next week then I'm done. Then the next week comes and I'll say, I'll bowl one more week then I'm done. And I've realized the reason for my reluctance-y to quit is, I actually enjoy bowling. And I'm not even really sure it's the bowling I enjoy, it's the breaking up of the work week monotony I enjoy. It's the doing something fun I enjoy. It's having those couple of hours during the week where I don't worry about what I need to do at work or at home. I can just relax, and have fun.

When I got home this evening, I had a new found energy. Even though I'm still completely stressed about life right now, I now have this revitalizing feeling that I'll work through it like I always do, and everything will be okay. All that, just from bowling. :)

Tomorrow is a new day, and I'm ready for it.

A Series Of Unfortunate Events

So I’ve been carrying a heavy burden on my shoulders these past 10 days that I wish I weren’t facing. As you may or may not know, Talon was attacked by a pit bull two Friday’s ago. Luckily the owner was right there when it happened and was able to pull him off immediately but not before the dog had a chance to bite deep into Talon’s leg and take out a little chunk. Fortunately, it wasn’t anything too serious. It was a friend’s dog, it wasn’t provoked, it just happened, and I’m not mad because things happen but it’s still unfortunate nonetheless, and has led to a series of unfortunate events.

When you are bitten by a dog (or human), doctors prefer to leave it open to heal and not to stitch it up, because the stitches often cause infections. The bite on Talon’s leg was so deep, wide, and fleshy, the doctor was forced to put in a couple of stitches. One trip to the ER, an X-ray, good cleaning, and a couple of stitches later, we were sent home with a round of antibiotics for him to take for the next 5 days. The following Monday, I took Talon to his family doctor just for follow up on the bite as well as for the doctor to look at the dozens of itchy bumps all over him. The bite looked like it was healing well and the bumps turned out to be bug bites. One week later, we noticed the bite looked like it may be infected. It was red around the wound, swollen, and warm to the touch. I took him back to the doctor Friday to find out it was indeed infected. The doctor removed the stitches then put him on another round of antibiotics and also gave him a cream to put on his leg and we were told to follow up the next day, but until then, if it got any worse, to go straight to the ER. She might as well said, “Check his leg every hour and don’t get any sleep tonight” because that’s what this worried momma did. Luckily we made it through the night.  So Saturday, I take him back to the doctor, by this time pus was coming out of the wound (TMI, I know) so the doctor was able to do a culture swab and send it off to be tested to make sure nothing serious was going on. We are still waiting on those results but in the meantime, I was instructed to keep cleaning it like we have been, keep the cream on it, and keep him on the antibiotics, and follow up Wednesday. By Sunday morning, it already started to look a little better. That was a relief. His next appointment Wednesday will make the 5^th time we’ve been to the doctor/ER in less than 2 weeks.

As if that hasn’t been stressful enough, during all this, I’ve also been faced with a tough, tough decision to make as a parent::

The dog that bit Talon never received a rabies shot. Normally when a dog bites someone in that situation, it’s put  into quarantine for 10 days and observed to make sure it shows no signs of having rabies and if it does show signs, it’s put down and the brain is tested for rabies. For whatever reason, that is not an option to us. 

So here is the dilemma:: 

The chance of the dog that bit Talon was infected with the rabies virus is slim, but there is a chance. Most people assume the only sign of an animal having rabies is it would be foaming out the mouth. Not true. The most common symptom is a change in behavior of the animal, such as they may become aggressive, or withdraw from humans. Everyone can speculate whether or not they think the dog was infected with the virus but without being able to observe the dog or have it tested, no one knows for sure. 

What this means::

If someone is bitten by an animal with the rabies virus then that virus would be passed on to that person. There is no way to test that person to determine if they have the rabies virus. The only way to know is if that person starts exhibiting the symptoms of the virus. At that point, there is nothing you can do to stop it and it’s fatal.  The only option for protection against the rabies virus after someone has been bitten by an animal that may have the virus is for that person is to receive the series of rabies vaccinations. This is a series of 4 different shots over a 14 day period which provides immediate protection against rabies until your body has responded to the vaccine and makes its own antibodies to rabies.

So here are our options:: 

A. Hope and pray the dog was not infected with rabies and just let it go.

B. Have Talon receive the series of shots to prevent him from having the rabies virus. 

Now, this may seem like a no-brainer but it’s actually been a very hard decision, one that’s been weighing very heavily on me, and here’s why:: 

First, I’ve heard the shots are very very painful. They used to give them in the stomach but luckily that’s no longer the case. However, Talon has been through enough this past week because of the dog bite that I hate to have to put him through more pain. Furthermore, I’m worried about the side effects of the shots. From what I’ve read, the side effects are the same as receiving any other type of vaccination. However, it just worries me b/c the vaccine is protecting against something that attacks your central nervous system, it’s some powerful stuff. I just worry it may cause a serious side effect. Lastly, from what I’ve read, these shots are expensive, as in the thousands of dollars. Obviously I’ll pay whatever I have to and even give my own life to ensure good health and a long life for Talon but the question I’ve had to think about this week is:: Are these shots this necessary? 

I’ve asked the opinion of several doctors, nurses, my family, and have also prayed about it. A couple of doctors/nurses have said that if this were their kid, they wouldn’t do it. The odds of the dog having rabies is slim and with that being said, they wouldn’t put their child through that and feel it’s completely unnecessary. But most others have said, without a doubt, if this were their child, they would get the shots immediately, because it’s not worth taking that chance and risking their child’s life over. As one doctor said, it’s like playing Russian Roulette. 

But at the end of the day, this is MY kid we are talking about so the decision is up to his Dad and I. And this is what I asked my son’s dad, and myself:: The dog probably didn’t have rabies, but we don’t know if it did or didn’t, so  what IF it did? IF it did, it would be fatal to Talon. Is that something we could live with? Knowing we could have prevented that?  

That’s not something I even want to think about with that being said, as soon as we pick Talon up from school today, we are going to the ER of HMH and Talon is getting his first of 4 rounds of shots. Talon has no clue. He cringes as the word ‘shot’. He’s been through enough this past week and I didn’t’ want him to have this lingering anticipation of pain that is to come. When I laid in bed last night, all I could do was think about it. What if it is as painful as everyone says it is? What if he has a bad side effect? How am I going to get him back to the hospital (willingly) 3 more times? And then I became mad, mad that we were even in this situation. I shouldn’t have to make a decision like this. Furthermore, Talon shouldn’t have to go through this.

So I ask all my friends, please say a little prayer for Talon today. Pray that it’s not as painful as I think it’s going to be, pray that there aren’t any serious side effects, and pray that it was the right decision for me to make.