A Health Confession

So it's been a couple of months since I gave my last health update, which was a good one. In case you missed it, you can read about it here. Because of that, I decided to go ahead to give a current update. Well, not really an update, more of a confession really.

A couple of weeks ago, I went to the beach with some of my favorite friends. It was a very much needed break from reality that I really enjoyed. And even though I missed my sweet baby boy, I had a fabulous time. Not only did I have a fabulous time, the best part was, I felt amazing. I had so much energy, I never had a headache, never felt nauseous, didn't have to go to bed early or take naps because of extreme exhaustion, never woke up with a puffy face, and could eat and drink whatever I wanted without it making me sick. I felt like I did before beginning my treatment for my leukemia.  I forgot what that felt like. And this is what I did....

 

 

 

I took full advantage of it and had so much fun! I really felt like this puppy in this picture. So why the change in health? Well, here's the confession part (and the part that when I told my mom, I thought she was going to ground me, in my own house....), I didn't take my Gleevec (the medication that keeps my leukemia in check) while I was in Florida. I know, I know, that sounds like a dumb idea, especially since my life depends on it but let me explain. I knew that if I did take my medicine, the car ride would have been miserable because I would have been sick , and I knew that I would be spending most of my time in the condo, 'taking it easy', versus spending time outside, having fun with my girls. I just wanted to feel 'normal'. And I did. And I know that sounds a little (a lot) selfish, but it has been almost a year since me being diagnosed and my life was turned upside down and I wanted a tiny break from that.  

But before you think I'm jumping off the deep end here, there really was some thought behind this. Now I know I'm not a doctor but from the research I have done, I don't think not taking my medication for 5 days will hurt me. If I did it often, yes, but a once every blue moon, no, I don't. Here's why:: When many people begin taking this medication, it's very common for them to take 'breaks' when the blood counts are too low or the side effects are really bad. Furthermore, if I were to have more children, I wouldn't be allowed to take the medication which mean I would be off it for 9+ months. It's obviously not recommended because the medication is what keeps the leukemia under control but there are times when you do have to take a break from it. Now I know my reason for not taking it for a few days is not one of those reasons but I felt okay with making that decision. And boy was it worth it!

But there is a flipside to that:: Not only did I feel absolutely wonderful for those 5 days, it made me realize just how bad that medicine makes me feel. We got back home Sunday night but I decided to skip another night of taking my Gleevec because I knew it would be hard enough getting up Monday morning for work from being exhausted from the trip and the 10 hour drive back, I didn't want to make it any harder. I woke up Monday morning, so  tired, but still felt great and had a very productive day. Then comes Monday night, I get back into the routine, and take my Gleevec before bed (I take it at night in hopes to sleep through the worst of the side effects), and when I woke up Tuesday morning , it hit me like a ton of bricks. I woke up with the worst headache, completely dehydrated, and felt like the life had been sucked out of me.  It was back to reality. While laying in bed, trying to drag myself out of bed, I began to cry. I was crying out of frustration. What is so frustrating is, it's not even the leukemia that makes me feel this way, it's the medication I take because of it. How can I go from feeling so good to so bad so fast? I guess I have been so used to feeling this way, it wasn't until not taking my medicine for a few days that I realized just how much it really effects me. It's more than just having a busy day and being tired from that. It's more than just feeling like you over did it. It's a feeling that it's hard to explain. It's literally feeling like the energy has been sucked out of you and when it hits you, there is no fighting it, there is not energy drink out there that can make it go away, you just have to lay down, no matter what time of day it is or where you are. It's a feeling of dehydration that no amount of water can make go away. it's a feeling of nauseous that you just have to just lay still and hope that it passes. It's frustrating. Plain and simple.
And I say that but at the same time, I can't help but feel guilty for complaining because the alternative to feeling that way is death. If I choose not to take this medicine, my life expectancy would be approx. 5 years. So it's easy to see that this is a small price to pay for life. But at the same time, this experience made me realize that I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my life. I am only 27 years old. When most people are diagnosed with CML, they are usually much older. I have my whole life (God willing) ahead of me and I don't want this to dictate my life. And because of that, I have made some decisions:

1. When I reach my 12 month mark, which will be in August, if everything is still going well, I'm going to request that my oncologist to cut my dosage in half. I currently take 400 mg of Gleevec daily. Many people only take 200 mg daily and their results are still good. This should alleviate some of the side effects I face daily.

2. When I reach my 2 year mark, assuming all is still going well, I'm going to request to be taken off Gleevec. Now I know I just mentioned if I were to stop taking Gleevec, my life expectancy would be approx. 5 years so this may seem like a death sentence. BUT, let me explain. There are currently clinical trials underway in which people don't take any treatment for CML. I would participate in this clinical trial so I would be monitored very regularly. The best part about this cancer is it's slow growing. Because I would be monitored regularly, the doctors would catch it very fast if the leukemia started to progress due to the lack of treatment. If that were the case, I would begin taking the Gleevec immediately at first signs of progression. If the Gleevec no longer worked, there are currently two other medications that help control CML. If those don't work, then I always have the option of having a bone marrow transplant. Now that's def. worst case, but the point is, I have options. There are currently several people partaking in this clinical trial. Most people who were at "0", like I am now, have relapsed (most within months) and had to begin treatment again (and are still doing well). I know that doesn't sound promising BUT there is a small percent (like 3%) who after 10 years without treatment, are still at "0". What if I could be a part of that 3%? Even if it were just for 10 years, 5 years, 1 year, to feel like I did while I was on vacation, to feel like I did before beginning treatment, I feel like it's definitely worth taking that chance.

Until then, I'm just going to grin and bear it and pray that my results continue to stay good after each test so I can one day feel as good as I used to. I'm determined to feel as good as I used to.

I Did It!

So last night I pulled out my cap and gown to try on for the first time. While standing in the mirror trying to figure out how to make my cap look good with short hair, a flood of emotions ran through me and I began to cry. While that’s really no surprise because I’m one of the most emotional people in the world, I was still trying to figure out why I was crying. Was it because starting June 15^th, I’ll finally be forced to start paying back my $30k in student loans for the rest of my life? Was it because my cap made me look like Harry from Dumb and Dumber? While those are both true, neither of those were the reason for my tears.

It was because of something much deeper.

For a reason unknown to me, I decided to make college the hardest, most stressful, time consuming, expensive thing of my life. I began my college career the year I graduated high school. I was the typical 18 year old college student; fresh out of high school with my whole life ahead of me. With the exception of 3 semesters, I’ve been in college every semester ever since. That’s a total of 9 years. During those 9 years, I became everything but a typical college student-- I got married, went through a divorce, had a baby, became a single mom, moved a dozen times between 2 different states, changed jobs 7 times, changed majors 3 times, and was diagnosed with Leukemia.

I can’t even count how many times that I wanted to give up. I dropped all of my classes one semester because my life was spinning out of control. If you’ve read My Hardest Confession, then you know what I’m talking about. Another semester I thought was my second to last so I decided to take 18 hours in Bowling Green, while also working and living in E’town, and raising a 4 year old, only to find out after that semester that I still wasn’t even close to graduating. And again last year, I thought I would finally be finished only to be delayed again because I had to cut my class load down thanks to my newly diagnosed health issues. Above all that, there were so many nights I just didn’t’ want to read that book, or write that paper, or complete that assignment, or go to that class, because I wanted to just hang out with Talon, or needed to focus on work, or wanted to go to bed early, or just wanted to be a normal 20 some year old and was just over it. But here’s the thing, and this is what I am so proud of, and this is what makes this day so emotional for me, through all of that, never, never did I give up.

And why I like to take all of that credit, I can’t. They say it takes a village to raise a child. Well it also takes a village to get Dana through college. I couldn’t have made it through college without my family, friends, employers, teachers, and the grace of God.

Family/Friends--

A lot of my classes were taken at night, with the exception of a couple of semesters. While I always tried to schedule my classes on the nights Talon was with his dad, it didn’t always work out. But thanks to my parents, sisters, and best friend Sara, that wasn’t an issue because they would watch him for me so I could go to class. Thank you all for helping me to achieve my goal of graduating college.

Employers—

My bosses from my last three jobs I’ve had have been so accommodating, working around my school schedule, allowing me to take classes, and still work, with benefits, and good pay. Thank you Ronnie Pence, Dale Crowder, and Ryan/Adam for helping me to achieve my goal of graduating college.

Teachers—

I’ll admit, I’ve thrown a lot at my teachers over the years. There have been a number of times I’ve had to take Talon to class with me.  I can’t count how many times I’ve been late for class because I was coming straight from work. I can’t count how many times my teachers have given me second chances on assignments I put little effort in the first time. And this past year, I’ve had several who even went above and beyond that. Last summer semester, I had a paper due for a final on a Monday. I had known about this assignment for a couple of weeks but in true Dana fashion, I waited until the last weekend before it was due to do it. That same weekend, I was hospitalized for three days due to having emergency surgery. When I emailed my teacher to let her know that I wouldn’t be submitting my final in time, instead of her telling me tough luck, I shouldn’t have waiting until the last minute to do it, she gave me a week extension to finish it. Thank you to all of my teachers for helping me to achieve my goal of graduating college.

I’ll finish this post with some things that I learned along the way (besides the obvious about my majors) during these last 9 years::

These last 9 years, I have learned….

·        How to complete an 8 hours assignment in 2 hours—enough said. J

·        What I want to be when I grow up—It only took changing my major three times, 9 years, and 160 credit hours.

·        That I have the best support system—As I already mentioned, I really couldn’t have done this without my family.

·        That I have a knack for creative writing—I think my high school English teachers would be shocked, as I still am.

·        No matter how hard it gets, never give up.

I have sacrificed so much over these last few years, but I can honestly say, it was totally worth it. Graduating college will always be one of my biggest accomplishments in life. Because of that, I couldn’t be more proud to say that today, I am officially a college graduate of Western Kentucky University, Class of 2013.

 

 

Happy Mother's Day

The older I get, the more I realize just how lucky I am to have such an amazing mother. And the older I get, the more I realize just how much I need her. My mom is the most beautiful person I know, on the inside and out. The best compliment I could ever receive is when people tell me I look and/or act just like my mother.

My Mom:

She’s a fighter—she’s overcome many obstacles, to include beating breast cancer. She puts her family first—she makes sure we are always together, we never go without,and makes sure no one ever messes with us :) She’s the most selfless person I know—she puts others needs before hers and never denies her time or money to anyone who needs it.

I honestly don’t know what I would do without her (both my parents at that).    Anytime I’m sick or Talon’s sick, I call my mom. Anytime I have a bad day, I call my mom. Anytime I need help with Talon, I call my mom.  Anytime I need advice, I call my mom.

I’ve always known how blessed I was to have her as a mother, but this past year really reminded me.  From the time I was hospitalized last summer, and then began undergoing tests, and eventually being diagnosed with leukemia, my mother has been there by my side every step of the way. I can’t even count how many doctors’ appointments I’ve had this past year but I can count how many my mom has missed—none. I especially remember one appointment I had that I told her not to come because she needed to stay home and rest because she was terribly sick, and she refused. She said to me, “You’re not doing this by yourself.” And that statement sums up her as a mother. No matter what I’ve gone through in my life or will go through in the future, never will I have to go through it alone. And that is the best feeling in the world.

 

 

 

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom.

The Next Chapter

So I’m not sure if you knew this or not (and if you follow me on Facebook then you definitely know this because it’s alllll I’ve talked about for the last month) BUT in case you didn’t know, this past Monday was my last class EVER as a college undergrad. On May 12th, I'll finally be a college graduate. I cannot even begin to explain the excitement I feel about this. For the last 22 years of my life, I’ve been in school: elementary school, middle school, high school, and 9 (yes 9) of those years have been in college. It’s safe to say going to school has been a big part of my life most of my life. With that, I’m left with a little (a lot) of anxiety.... What do I do now?

While most people would feel a sense of relief, I’m feeling a sense of well, a lack of clarity. What do I do now? It’s a crossroad that I didn’t think would be so confusing, but it has been.

The plans were, after I graduated, I would immediately jump back into college and start on my masters and begin teaching high school in the fall. But when I made that plan, it was made with the assumption that I would be married and have a second income coming in. I’m 27 years old and still no ring, much less a boyfriend. (cue the sad country song…) Because of that, I was forced to make a tough decision. Do I bite the bullet and take the pay cut in order to pursue the job I was created to do? Or do I continue on my current career which provides better financial stability for this single mom? Considering I really enjoy my job now, it was a no-brainer, yet a sad decision to make none-the-less. I feel that I was made to teach. But as anxious as I am to start that new career, I know it will happen once the timing is right. So like with most things in life, I must be patient and trust in God’s timing.

Even though I’ve decided to stay with my current career, I’m still approaching a new chapter in my life. No longer will my nights and weekends be filled with going to class in Bowling Green, Fort Knox, Radcliff, or E ’town, or reading a ba-zillion history books, or writing a ba-zillion papers, or working on assignments, and rushing to beat impending deadlines. Now, for one of the first times in my life, I will have something people like to call “free time”. Say what?! While I intend on forcing myself to enjoy this free time, if you know me, then you know I’m not happy until my plate is full, or until my cupeth runneth overeth. You understand what I mean. So for the last couple of weeks, I’ve been pondering and praying, ‘what next?’ and I’m finally getting some clarity, and am pretty pumped about it.

1.      Career: In case you didn’t know, I have a job, a full time one. I’m a licensed loan originator and processor for a mortgage company. My official title is Account Coordinator. I kind of fell into this job a few years ago and absolutely love it. It fits my over organized, OCD, checklisting, personality. But one of the downfalls of being a business professional and a history and social studies major is that those two fields don’t go hand in hand, at all. During the day, I’m focused on my job and staying abreast of the constant changes in this industry. At night I’m focused on learning about people, places, and events of the past in America and other parts of the world. At times, I really feel like my memory card in my brain is at max capacity and my heads going to explode. Literally. But now that school is over, I can finally focus on giving 110% to my career. There has been so much I’ve wanted to do, to not only benefit myself, but to also benefit my company, but just haven’t had time to do it. Now I do and I’m excited about it! My bosses have been so patient and accommodating while I’ve been in school and even more so after I was diagnosed with leukemia last summer that I’m looking forward to showing my appreciation by pushing myself and our company to the next level.

 

2.      Organizations: In the past, I may have spread myself a little too thin a couple of times. I get that. But it’s so hard not to when I enjoy everything that I’m involved in. I’ve decided going forward, I am only going to dedicate myself to a couple of organizations so I, again, can give 110%.

 

a.       Rotaract: Right now, I’m the president of the Rotaract Club of Hardin County. It’s an organization that I absolutely love, from the community standpoint and the networking stand point. It has allowed me to not only give back to the community, but also stay connected to the community. I plan on continuing my role in Rotaract (whatever position that may be) and hope to continue to help this club grow.

b.      Hands Filled With Heart: Also, last year, my sister, mother, and I turned a group I started a couple of years ago into a non-profit organization, Hands Filled With Heart. I haven’t had a lot of time to put into this organization, and now I do, and I plan on doing just that. I have so many exciting plans for our organization and can’t wait to get started on them!

c.       Other Organizations: There are a couple of other organizations that I'm apart of that I will continue to be apart of, such as the Young Professionals of Hardin County and the newly formed USA Cares, Elizabethtown Chapter, but just as a normal volunteer, when I have extra time.

 

3.      Church: This is the one I’m most excited about. I’ve been attending First Christian Church for a few years now and my parents and I finally joined last Spring. Up until this point, I’ve just been a Sunday morning worship service attendee. That's it. Our church is currently in the process of building a new church and will be finished in June. With the new church come new roles to fill which means they need more volunteers. The timing couldn’t be more perfect for me to step up and start getting more involved in my church. Our church is starting a singles life group which I’m really looking forward to. Also, I’m going to start volunteering in our children’s ministries. I’m still not 100% sure exactly what I want to do but I’m going to try out a few different areas to see where the right fit is. Above all, I’m really looking forward to just growing my relationship with not only my church, but also with God.

So you may be thinking, ‘What about that free time?!’ Well believe it or not, this is still less than what I’ve been used to while I was in school. I feel that this will still leave me with enough free time to be able to just relax and enjoy even more time with my sweet baby boy that’s growing up way too fast, while also leaving time for me to do other stuff that normal, single, 27 year old mom's do like finally read a book on my book list, go to bed early, and maybe even go on a date or two. :)

I truly feel that this is the right direction for me. Whatever this next chapter holds, I'm looking forward to it.

 I