Two becoming one. That’s what's supposed to happen when
you get married. What's yours is mine, and what's mine is yours. Seems pretty simple, right?
Pfffft.
It’s deceiving what it symbolizes (or how simple) when during your wedding ceremony you pour
your two separate jars of sand into one jar, especially if you are getting married for the
second time and have been living alone for so long. Instead of all of the sand
being mixed together, it should really be separate at the bottom then slowly
begin to blend, with some zigs and zags in between, and then completely blended
up top. Because for us, that’s been the reality.
...........going from two houses to one, two budgets to
one, two ways of doing things to one, trying to figure out what to cook for two
of the pickiest eaters other than spaghetti and chicken, especially when one of
those doesn't eat dinner every night (what a weirdo), trying to wrap my mind around
the fact that he washes his towels, whites, and darks all together, convincing
him I need the master closet but settling for 7/10ths of it, having
to make my own dresser in said closet because he’s not willing to get rid of
any of his 6,503 t-shirts in the one he has, agreeing to disagree which way the
silverware should go in the dishwasher, making a once bachelor pad more of a feminine,
family home, convincing him that every room in the house doesn't’ have to have
something related to his favorite sports team, going to bed together when I go
to bed at 9pm and he at 11pm........
It’s
hard, ya'll.
So what I have learned is that TJ and I aren't your
normal newlywed couple. Talon’s dad is recently engaged and like most new
relationships, he and his fiancé spend a lot of time together, because, well
it’s new and they really like each other. It has been hard for Talon because
he’s still transitioning into his new life of no longer having his mom’s
undivided attention, and now no longer his dad’s when he’s had both for over
the past 5 years. He really likes his dad’s fiancé, it’s just been hard for him
getting used to having someone else there and him not getting all of the
attention. So when I explained to Talon that they are spending so much time
together because it’s new but after a while, they’ll get tired of each
other (in a loving way) and need their space, Talon replied, “Like you and TJ? You all are rarely
together. He’s usually downstairs and you upstairs.” Ehhh, yeah, something like that. But it is true of us. When we are at home, more times than not, TJ
and I aren't in the same room. He's usually in his man cave watching sports and
I'm usually upstairs cooking, hanging out with Talon, catching up on work, or
watching one of my shows, and it's because we have both lived such independent
lives for so long and that's just how we've lived during that time. I
hadn’t been in a serious relationship in over 5 years and I lived alone (with Talon) during that
entire time. I've been the head of my household and he, his. But now, there is
just one.
But we have began to establish our life and routine as 'us', as a
family. We eat dinner together as a family, we have our shows we watch
together, go for walks together, play the occasional game of HORSE as a family, go to church together, to Talon's games together. But I still have my time with Talon, TJ has his time with Talon, and TJ and I have
our time together. And though we aren't always together, side by side, every
second of every day, just being home together is comfort enough. And it works
for us.
I think the part that’s been the hardest about the whole
'two becoming one' is when you are used to being so independent,
you develop a sense of pride that you are able to take care of yourself. So
when you allow yourself to give up some of that independence and rely on someone
else, it makes you vulnerable. But I've learned that being vulnerable is one
of the most important pieces to a marriage. Giving your whole self to
your significant other, depending on each other and making each other feel
needed and appreciated for the support that they give, that's important. That’s
why we are married- to have someone to share life with, all of it, not just
parts of it. And I've loved every second
of it.
Confession--
So some things have been nice to give up that I USED to
do in my past, independent life—yard work (I would help but I’m allergic to
grass, how convenient, I know :) ), pulling the trash can to the road every
week for pick up (because if you follow me on Facebook, you know the struggle I
had with remembering to do that), not having to be the brave one when I hear weird noises at night, having someone go to the store to get me some Sour Patch
Kids when I'm nauseas, having someone take care of Talon when I’m not feeling
well, and just the fact that I don't have to do it all anymore. It's nice.
Oh and one of the BEST things-- since TJ was a
bachelor prior, and most bachelors aren't notorious for their cleaning skills,
he had someone come and clean his house once a month. Although I've always
cleaned my own house (and still do), I thought that was one thing that we
shouldn't get rid of. :)
