Let Go....

... And Let God.

Church has always been a part of my life. Religion has always been a part of my life. God has always been a part of my life. Even when I took a turn down the wrong path, or felt like I had reached rock bottom, I have never doubted God or my religious beliefs. I credit that to my parents. My parents never pushed religion down mine or my sisters throats.  It has just always been a part of life. My parents have always led a life by example. From loving, to working hard, and to giving. Going to church was no exception. I went to Sunday school, Wednesday night church, and Bible school from the time I was itty bitty. I would be telling a lie if I said we went to church every Sunday. As a matter of fact, I probably didn't go more than I did go most of my early adult life. Nevertheless, I have never questioned my faith. And even though I never questioned it, I can honestly say it wasn't until my adult life that I fully understood it.

So last year, my parents and I joined a church we've been attending for the last few years, First Christian Church in Elizabethtown. The thing I love most about my church are the sermons. They are uplifting, they are inspirational, they make me want to be a better person, and I can always relate-- whether it be to a place I've been before, where I am now, or where I want to be. And Sunday's sermon was no exception.

To summarize, Sunday's sermon was about Moses, and God telling him to forget his life of being a shepherd, and finally do what God had called him to do. To see the full sermon, click here. Some key points that were made regarding life today is that no matter where you are at in your life right now, it is time to put aside the past, put aside the wounds, put aside the excuses, just throw it all down, and be who God created you to be. The reason why this can be so hard is because we want to maintain control. We make excuses so we don't have to let go, so we can hang on to what we have and who we are.  But when we keep a death grip on all that we know about ourselves, we stay stuck. God has lead us all through a unique path with unique pains and he did all of that with the intentions that you would make a difference in this world in your unique way. This hit home for me.

So if you've read one of my first posts, My Hardest Confession, then you know from the age or 18 to about 23 was rough for me. It was a time that I kept making wrong choices, kept going down the wrong path, felt lost, and confused, and didn't know who I was or where I belonged. I finally made some tough decisions which included ending my relationship with my son's father, and I just started focusing and me and my son. Even though that was the first step I needed to take, I still felt lost, I still felt confused, and now I felt lonely, and alone. It was a hard feeling to get used to. Growing up, I never imagined by the time I was 23 years old, I would be divorced, a single mom, trying to figure out who God created me to be. But there I was. And during that time, I started doing things to fill that empty void I was feeling inside, and just focused on me and Talon, and being happy again. And here I am now. Now almost 27, still single, yet never been happier. And now looking back, I realize that the first step I took when I finally let go, and threw everything down, the moment I stopped trying to control my own life and how I thought it should be,  things finally started to fall into place. 

Not only did I never think I would be divorced, or a single mom, or even single, or have leukemia at the age of almost 26, I can also say I never thought I would be graduating with the degrees that I am, be involved in the community in all the ways I am, have the jobs I do, and start a non-profit organization. When people tell me they are in awe of the things I'm involved with, the volunteering I do, the events I organize, the organizations I advocate for, or just the philanthropy in general,  I don't do these things for praise, or the glory, or the spotlight, I do these things simply because I feel like it's my calling. It's what God designed me to do. I have no doubts about it. Everything I've experience in life has made me this unique person with unique talents and lots of passion. And it was because of the difficult road I traveled during those few years that I realized what those passions were.

And in case you didn't know:: I will be graduating this May with a bachelors in history and a bachelors in social studies. My plan in the future it to teach high school. Why high school? I want to teach kids before they enter the real world that they have the power to make a difference. They have the power to change the world, by simply voting, getting involved in their local community, and just staying informed. Not only do they have the ability, but it's also their responsibility. God gave me passion for this. And I didn't' realize I had a passion for this until that moment when I threw it all down, and stopped trying to control how I thought my life should be. Because, one of the things I did during that time  to try and fill that empty void was I went back to school full time. And during that semester, I took my first college history course, and instantly knew that was for me. Also during that time, I stumbled upon my first volunteer opportunity in the community. I served at our local soup kitchen, and instantly knew that was for me. The more I volunteered, the more I grew a passion for it, and sought out more ways to give back. I realized others in our community would probably also enjoy it too, but didn't know where to start. And that's when I started a Facebook page called Hands Filled With Heart that became an information hub for all local volunteer opportunities in our community. I would contact different local organizations in our community to see what kinds of donations they needed and when they needed volunteers and would post them on this Facebook page for anyone who was interested access. A couple of years later, this group is now a non-profit organization that not only is an information hub, but is also creating other ways to address un-met needs in our community.

That day when I stopped trying to control my life, never did I imagine this is where I would be today. But I have no doubt in my mind it's where I am supposed to be. I honestly feel that this is the path God planned for me. I'm becoming the person He designed me to be. And I can't explain how amazing that is. I no longer have any of the problems I had before when I tried to control my own life. I don't have any drama, I'm not filled with guilt for making bad decisions, and even though I want to be married and have a family, I no longer have that void for not having that person right now. I think that is because I finally believe that God will put that right person in my life when it's the right time. And because of that, I've developed patience. My heart is so full now always, I'm okay with being single .

So here is the point of this story, there is a point:: no matter where you are in your life, no matter how many mistakes you have made, I hope that I am proof that it's never too late to throw it all down, let it go, and let God take control. You aren't going to wake up one morning and suddenly know all the right answers. I still don't know all of the answers. It's a journey, but it's not a journey you have to take all alone. The day I started walking down the path God made for me was the greatest day in my life because I have truly never been happier.