Walk The Walk

Hey friends, it’s me here.This topic has been weighing so heavily on my heart over these last few days and when that happens, I feel like it’s God’s way of telling me to speak out, no matter how controversial it may be. So here I am.

First, I feel compelled to share with you some information that I have learned many are unaware of….

Doctors are already required to perform life saving procedures on all children born alive, even after a failed abortion. 

It is already a law. 

If you feel the bill that the Governor vetoed was about that, then you have been hook, lined, and sinker'ed. That narrative gets you riled up, doesn’t it? It would anyone. That was its purpose. It’s a political game for power, my friends. If you think that the politicians who supported this bill didn’t intentionally wait until the last day of the general session to pass this bill because they knew the Governor would veto it and they wouldn’t be able to override it, then you are completely underestimating them. 

You know what makes me mad? This game. That our elected leaders use the issue of abortion to not only divide people, but also to gain power. It’s self serving, and has nothing to do with the issue at hand. But it’s really not fair to be mad at our politicians because I expect this from them. This is the game that too many of them play, because we LET them play it. 

I’m actually more disheartened by my peers, my fellow community members, my Facebook friends thinking that the only way to stop abortions is to hand over this power to elected leaders and inadvertently let them use this issue that so many of us care about for political gain and do NOTHING positive about the issue itself. 

Too often we rely on political leaders to solve problems that we don’t think is ours to solve but this one is. We see what happens when we leave it up to our elected leaders. If you think that a law will stop abortions, you again are sorely mistaken. That’s like saying making alcohol consumption illegal will stop people from drinking (where’s my Nascar fans at?) Or banning all guns will stop people from killing each other. Abortions are not the problem, they are the symptom. 

So what is the problem? Well we have to figure out what causes a woman to have an abortion. While I’ve never had one, God gave me the gift of empathy and I can understand why a woman would have an abortion. 

When I found out I was pregnant at the age of 20 (recently divorced, just started dating), I was embarrassed, I was ashamed, and I was scared to death to tell my parents. The news got to them faster than I could tell them but I wonder, had no one known, what would I have done? Embarrassed, ashamed, scared…. knowing the world was going to judge me (oh and they did).... would have I gone through with my pregnancy? I like to think I still would have (and thank God I did because that boy is my world) but I can see why a young, scared, embarrassed, ashamed, soon to be single mom might not…… (and that’s partially on us, guys)

With both of my pregnancies, I had hyperemesis. It’s extreme morning sickness. In my first pregnancy, for three months I could not eat or drink anything. I started out at 110 pounds and quickly dropped to 97. I had extreme nausea 24/7, 7 days a week. I had to quit my job and all I could do was try to sleep. It was relentless. Even with my second pregnancy, while advances in science helped (my doctor found a cocktail of medicines that made it tolerable-- you’re judging me for that, I know, and we’ll get to that later), there were still 2 solid weeks that I was either in bed trying to sleep the misery away or in the hospital getting fluids (thank goodness I had an understanding workplace). On that 14th day, I cried, and cried and cried. I couldn’t take it anymore. Luckily, the next day, I woke up and it was like the fog had lifted and could finally get out of bed. For some women, this misery lasts the entire 9 months. Many women who have this are suicidal because it is that miserable. I think to myself in both instances, what if the father of my child wasn’t in the picture, how would I have been able to pay my bills? How would I have been able to care for my other child? There would have been absolutely no way. And for those women where the father has walked out and they don’t have a support system, I can understand why they would feel like they would have no choice but to terminate their pregnancy…..

Also, with my second (and last) pregnancy, we decided to have a second child while undertaking a HUGE risk. And that risk was my life. I have a chronic leukemia that there is no cure for, and while my doctor strongly urged me not to have a child because it meant I would have to stop my treatment, my husband and I decided that we felt like my leukemia was under enough control that I could safely go without treatment for a short period of time. My leukemia progressed while I was pregnant but luckily I delivered a healthy baby, started treatment immediately, and it quickly got back under control. That was a risk I knew going into the pregnancy. But for some women, they don’t find out that they have this type of leukemia (or other life threatening conditions) until they are pregnant. Some are faced with the choice…. terminate the pregnancy or risk dying. That’s a tough decision for any mother and a REAL decision that some mother’s have to make. 

See friends, it’s not ALWAYS an easy decision a woman just makes on a whim. This is a life changing, life altering decision that many feel they don’t have any other choice. 

And instead of making Facebook posts condemning women for having an abortion and demanding our politicians to make it illegal, we need to let women know that they do have another choice.

We need to walk the walk. 

We need to quit judging women for getting pregnant out of wedlock (you’ve sinned too, you’ve just been able to hide it and your sin is NO better than anyone else's). We need to STOP putting this all on the woman. Hello, fathers? We need to start putting pressure on fathers to step up (I know many do, but many don’t). WE need to tear down our silos, get off our high horses, and be supportive of pregnant women, all pregnant women. We need to reach out to them (not just our friends and families… I’m talking other women in our community, those with NO support system), provide them with hope, provide them with that support system, just be there for them and let them know they aren’t in this alone and they can do this. We need to stop judging women. Have I said that already? We need to mentor teens (girls AND guys). We need to adopt kids in foster care to prove that their life does matter. We need to support organizations like Clarity Solutions for Women who provide that support, hope, and reassurance to pregnant women and who also mentor fathers to help them to step up. 

This is how we stop abortions. 

One of my Facebook friends recently shared a family photo from when she was a child. It was her, her two siblings, and her mom and aunt. The reason why her aunt was in this family photo was because she stepped in to help her mom raise her and her siblings. Oh, my heart. 

Friends, that’s how we stop abortions. 

We have to show women there is another choice. Not condemn them, not judge them, not act like our sin is better than theirs. 

We need to walk the walk. 

P.S. Speaking of, Clarity is having their annual fundraiser next week. They depend on donations from the community to be able to serve pregnant women so if you are looking for a first step in being a part of the solution, this is it.