The Old Cat Lady

So I know I've been slacking from blogging lately. I always have a lot to talk about, but by time I get settled in for the night, I usually don't have any energy to type it. And here lately, by the end of the day, I don't even want to be behind a computer, and here is why....

As of three weeks ago, I started working remotely from home. I've commuted to Louisville for over two years now, 55 miles one way, 2+ hours a day, on the road. The driving part I never minded as it's the one time of day I was guaranteed some quite down time, but the 2+ hours and gas I wasted, that I could do without. With my health not being as good as it once was, mornings have been rough on me here lately, which in return has forced me to get to work later. Even when I would get to work late, I still had to leave at the same time to get back to town to pick up Talon, thus making my work days shorter. Here was the problem, I am the only processor at our company. I process loans for 6 loan officers. Needless to say, I stay busy and these guys depend on me, so it was frustrating that my health was preventing me from giving 110% as I always have. Well thanks to my awesome bosses, we came up with a new plan:: I would start working remotely from home.

One of the best things about our company is I can work anywhere with laptop and Internet. The programs we use are Internet based, to include our VOIP phones. So I packed up my computer, bought me a desk, set up a home office and bam, I'm ready to go.

 Believe it or not, I had mixed feelings about working from home. I've had a job since I was 16 years old. I love to work, partly because I love being around people, especially the guys I work with. I didn't know how I would do without the office chatter, listening to the guys random, funny stories and conversations with clients, and having them pop in my office just to chit chat. As I type this is honestly makes me sad, and miss those guys. Grant it, I talk to or email them all day every day but it's just not the same.

BUT, other than that, I think this was the best decision. Not only am I getting more done at work, health wise I'm feeling MUCH better, and I can actually do more 'mom' duties such as pick Talon up from school, take him to practice, and other things that I had to depend on family for in the past. I'm getting more rest, and my stress levels have dropped tremendously. And did I mention I'm getting more done at work? Let me go ahead and get that image out of your head of what most people thing about when someone works from home:: you probably think of someone still in their PJs, laid up on the couch, with their headset on, holding a bowl of popcorn, and watching daytime soaps. Or maybe this......

 

Trust me when I say, it is nothing like that. I still get up, take a shower, get ready, then 'go to work'. My office is upstairs. I go up there between 8-8:30am and don't leave my office until I'm done working for the day (which is anywhere between 5:30-9pm). I don't watch TV, clean house, and just hang out. I've attempted to throw in some laundry a couple of times but always forget about it. Why? Because I'm completely wrapped up in work. At my last job, my boss once took us to the bowling alley for lunch and bowling, on our lunch break. I refused to bowl. He didn't understand why because 1. it was lunch break and 2. it was my boss. When I'm at work, I've got my 'work face' on. You know, it's like a game face. When I get to work, I plug in and get in the zone, and don't exit the zone until the work day is over.  I know that may seem a little odd, but I'm a little odd. If anything, I now have problems with not working. Most nights, I can't pull myself away, especially when Talon's not home. Tonight, for example, I didn't quit working until 9:00pm. I did take an hour lunch and also had a doctor's appointment in the afternoon but I still put in 10 hours. And the crazy thing is, it doesn't even feel like 10 hours, and I absolutely don't mind. I mean, how could I when all I have to do at the end of my day is just shut down my computer, turn off the lights, and walk downstairs. It's wonderful.

But here's the problem:: I'm scared I'm going to turn into the cat lady. There were two days in a row last week that I didn't leave my house not once. I'm already a hermit anyways and now that I'm working from home, it's getting worse.  I actually pick working over socializing. It's just because it's so easy to get caught up in work now, and I like to work. When I worked in Louisville, after I left the office to go back to town and pick up Talon, I would call it a day. Now, I run to town to pick up Talon, go back home, and go back to work. I'm having problems disconnecting myself. So I've been trying to make some changes to work on that.

First, I only work upstairs in my office. I have access to everything I need on my personal laptop but I won't allow myself to work from it. Why? Well, after I call it a day and go back downstairs, I won't be tempted to work on some files when I should be playing with Talon, or watching TV and being lazy. I've also forced myself to start taking an actual lunch. Every day I try to leave the house for at least 30 minutes to grab lunch, run errands, or work out. I joined Planet Fitness because I think getting back into shape will help me feel better health wise and also it gives me an excuse to leave the house.  But even when I leave for lunch, I'm still connected to my phone, meaning I can still access my work email, and I just can't put it down. The industry I am in is all about urgency. When someone buys or refinances a home, they want it done yesterday. On top of that, our loan officers are 100% commission and they don't get paid until the loan closes so they want me to process their files as fast as I can. Furthermore, I am also 100% commission and don't get paid till the loan closes so I want to process a file even faster. And I want to keep em moving so they keep em coming. It's a never ending process. It's not like having a project to work on with a deadline, which is why it's so hard for me to disconnect.

And trust me when I say, I'm not complaining, at all. As skeptical as I was when I decided to make this transition, I absolutely love it. I've always loved my job and love it even more because it's so much more convenient. I mean, does it get any better? All I ask of my friends and family is if you drive by my house after 9pm and the upstairs light it still on, or you don't see me at least once a week,  or you find out I got a cat (I  hate cats but I've been growing an obsession with e-cards cats here lately), please drag me out of my house, please?

Thanks in advance.

Confession:: When I said I take a shower, get ready, and do the normal things people do before going to work, I really do do that. From fixing my hair, putting on makeup, throwing on my big dangley earrings, and all that other jazz.  

See, I'm behind my desk, dressed appropriately, and look ready to work, right? 

Well, once I get up, that professionalism may or may not change just a tad....

I wear comfy pants and house shoes :) 

But if you were to facetime or skype me, you wouldn't even know. 

I'm just living the dream my friends, living the dream. 

Breaking Bad News To A 5 Year Old

Death is something that no matter how many times you deal with it, it doesn't get any easier. If anything, the older you get, the harder it gets. Though going to Heaven and being with God is ultimately what we want for the ones we love, and ourselves, it's still so hard to let someone you love go. As an adult, I know death is a part of life, but how do you explain that to a 5 year old?

Talon is no stranger to death. A couple of years ago my grandfather passed away, he still talks about our friend Kori who passed away a year ago, and he often talks about his Mamaw's friend who passed away. He understands that when you get old, you go to Heaven to be with God. Sometimes you go when you are younger, but it usually happens when you are older. Randomly we will be driving in the car and he will talk about Heaven. "What are you going to do when you go to Heaven, mom?" I've explained that in Heaven, you always feel good, you are never sick, and you can do anything you want. We have both decided that when we get to Heaven we are going to go to the beach, and hang out with our family who is already in Heaven. He understands it as much as a 5 year old can understand it.

But today's discussion about death is different, and that is because it's about someone who Talon loves dearly, and this is his Mamaw.

Talon's Mamaw (who is actually his Great Grandma) has always been a big part of Talon's life. For the last several years, she has picked him up from school every single week and they would go to Mr. Gatti's. He looked forward to this every week. He loved spending time with her. She was very close with all of her kids, grandkids, and great grandkids. Family was her life. She cooked the best food, and even in her older age she still actively volunteered. She was the kindest, most loving, most giving person you would ever meet. She had a heart of gold. Even though Talon's dad and I haven't been together for several years, she still considered me family and I her too. She would always invite me to family functions she hosted, and every week when I would pick Talon up from her, she would give me a hug, kiss on the cheek, and tell me she loves me. Every week. She was like a grandmother to me. As a matter of fact, I called her Mamaw too. When she found out I had leukemia, she immediately put me on her church prayer list and let me know that if I were ever to have to do chemo and would lose my hair, she had a friend who would donate her hair to me. Every week when I picked Talon up, she always asked how I was doing, and let me know that she was still praying for me. Every week. And I know she was because that's the kind of person she was.  She was as good to me as she was to Talon, and that's how she was to all of her family and friends.

Around lunchtime today, Talon's dad called me. Just by him saying hello, I knew something was terribly wrong. He called to tell me that his Mamaw had passed away. After a long pause, he said exactly what I was thinking, " I don't want to tell Talon." Of all the deaths Talon has known in his short sweet life, we knew this one would be the hardest because he was so close to his Mamaw. We decided to let his dad break the news to him and later this evening, he picked him up and met up with the entire family. Later he dropped him back off and Talon was very quiet, yet seemed okay.

He walked in the house, sat down on the couch and said to me, "You know what happened mom? Mamaw went to Jesus." As tears filled my eyes, I told him that makes me sad, then asked him if he was sad.
He replied,  "Yes, but we will see her again."
A little shocked by his response I asked, "When?"  
"When we go to Heaven...."

Such a wise little man.

These next few days and weeks to come will be hard for Talon's dad's family, and Talon. I ask that you say a special prayer for them as they lay someone they love dearly to rest. While my heart still breaks for his family, and for Talon, I am so completely thankful that such a wonderful woman was not only a part of my son's life, but also a part of mine too. I know he is only 5 and over time he will forget some things but I have no doubt that he will never forget his Mamaw and the love that she showed him as she will always hold a special place in his heart, and in my heart too.

Sweet Escape

The other day I was flipping through the channels and landed on Poseidon. For those of you who haven't seen Poseidon, here's a summary:

 On New Year's Eve, the luxury ocean liner, Poseidon, capsizes after being swamped by a rogue wave. The survivors are left to fight for survival as they attempt to escape the sinking ship. (IMDb)

I've never seen this movie before but it immediately caught my attention when I flipped to is because it was on the part where the only few people left alive on the boat were forced to swim underwater, between debris and electrical cords, through rooms, in an upside down boat, in attempt to get to higher, dry ground. My first thought watching this wasn't, "wow, that is really dangerous, I hope they make it." Instead, it was, " I guess none of those people wear contacts...."    Who thinks like that? ... I do.

Welcome to my weeknights/ends.

So I've never been much of a TV/movie person. I've always had favorite shows, such as HIMYM and The Office but never freaked out if I missed them. I mean, who has time to keep up with a TV show? Fast forward to today, thanks to DVR, I'm a TV junkie, and I rush home to watch my favorite shows. Why the change? I think it has to do with where I am in life. The sitcoms I watch are relatable, in some form or fashion, and the dramas, are just plain entertaining. And maybe it's just a sweet escape from reality? Maybe it's a mom thing? Whatever it is, I'm not ashamed. I love weeknight TV.

Confession:

If you are looking for a new show to follow, here are my recommendations:

1. Revenge. This is my absolute favorite. If you haven't watched it yet, do it. You won't regret it.

2. Happy Endings. This show never lets me down. I rate this as the funniest comedy. Watch it once and you will be hooked, promise.

3. Modern Family. This is another super funny one. "Phil's-osophy" should be apart of everyone's life.

4. HIMYM. This is a long time favorite. I think that's because I completely feel like the character Ted.

5. Nashville. This is another good drama. It just started this past year so it's easy to catch up on.

Honorable Mentions: Scandal, Suburgatory, Don't Trust The B, 666 Park Avenue, and Last Resort. (Sadly the last two won't be coming back next season.)