A Royal Sickness

Turns out Princess Kate and I have something in common.......

Hypermesis Graviduram. That’s probably like a foreign language to most but for 2% of pregnant women, those are some cuss words.

Imagine your worst hangover ever….

Now imagine feeling like that all day, every day….

Welcome to life with Hypermesis (minus the alcohol, and minus the fun time and bad decisions the night before).

Hypermesis Graviduram (or also known as HG) is severe nausea, vomiting, and dehydration in pregnant women. This ISN’T your typical morning sickness. This is when your body acts like it’s growing a half human/half vampire in your belly and it sucks the life out of you (that’s a Twlight reference for those who didn’t catch that.)

I suffered from HG when I was pregnant with Talon. It was so bad, I had to quit my job. I couldn’t eat or drink anything without immediately throwing it back up. I started out at 110 pounds, went down to 97 pounds in the first trimester and slept through the first half of my pregnancy thanks to the Phenergan. It was miserable. There was one silver lining however—I only ended up weighing about 125pds at 9 months and had an almost 9 pound baby so within just a couple of DAYS after giving birth, I was smaller than I was before I got pregnant. I remember in the last trimester, I finally got my first pregnancy craving—cheese pizza from Papa John’s. How boring is that? It was a long 9 months but oh so worth it. My sweet baby boy forever changed my life and I would do it all over again. Well, I am doing it all over again. :)

Flash forward 8 years later. I find myself in the hospital from dehydration and completely miserable due to HG and the nurse asks me—so you had HG with your first pregnancy and you decided to do it again? Yeah, I was asking myself the same thing. It’s funny how you can forget how bad something is when so much time has passed. I was hoping it would be different this time. Wishful thinking.

My pregnancy didn’t start out rough, at first. I felt great up until 6 weeks. Ate whatever I wanted, did whatever I wanted, I was loving life. Then it was like my body realized what was going on and went into shock. I couldn’t eat or drink a thing. Nothing sounded appetizing. I was nauseous from the pregnancy, then nauseous from being hungry but not able to eat. I started out at 114 pounds and went down to 105 in less than two weeks. I was miserable. I could barely walk to the bathroom and couldn’t even carry on a conversation. All I could do was lay there and hope my anti-nausea meds would knock me out. I was admitted to the hospital for dehydration (or to be more technical, I had ketones in my urine which isn’t good during pregnancy). They pumped me full of fluids and full of anti-nausea meds but I still felt miserable, still couldn’t carry on a conversation or focus on anything except how miserable I was feeling. They let me go home and my doctor prescribed me something called Diclegis to take in conjunction with my anti-nausea meds. After taking my first dose of Diclegis, I instantly starting feeling some relief and was even able to eat part of a sandwich. It was so exciting, but short lived. 

The next several days I still felt miserable and found myself back in the hospital getting more fluids. At this point, I had taken 6 straight days off from work and began wondering how I was going to make it through this pregnancy. My house was a wreck, I hadn’t done laundry in forever, my 8 year old was eating Doritos and Pediasures for dinner because I didn’t even have the strength or stomach to go to the kitchen and make him something to eat, and I had to depend on TJ to do everything—drop Talon off at school, pick him up, take him to practice, pick me up some ice or some food that I would try to eat, bring me something from the kitchen, go to the grocery for me, pick up my prescriptions, do laundry, do everything because I couldn’t. Talk about a test in your first year of marriage.

But then I started to feel SOME relief. I figured out what medication to take and when and with what. I am able to stomach a couple of bites of certain foods and handle a few sips of water. Now this might now seem like much but it’s better than nothing which what I was eating/drinking before. And I’ve made it back to work, most days. I still haven’t made it through a whole work day and I still feel completely miserable and still haven’t gained any weight, but I’m throwing up less (it’s mostly gagging and dry-heaves, TMI I know) and throughout the day, I’m able to eat a total of almost one meal and consume about one bottle of water. I’m still at 105 pounds but have maintained it. I still have a hard time focusing on anything but the misery I feel but it’s better than before. I am still very weak and can’t do much more than walk from one room to another, but it’s better. I still have to sit down while getting ready in the morning and it still takes forever to do so because I have to stop and take breaks so I don’t pass out or throw up but I’m able to do so most days. So if we are being honest here, I still feel pretty miserable but it’s better than before. I’m able to somewhat function again. My house is still a wreck, my laundry is still piled high, I still have to depend on TJ to take care of Talon most days, I still can’t socialize with friends or family, but I’m able to work some and do more than just sleep. And I’m hopeful it will continue to get better as my pregnancy progresses.

First my days consisted of trying to sleep all day, every day. Now my days consist of making it to work part of the day, making sure I’m taking my medications at the exact time, then coming home and sitting/laying on the couch then eventually finding the strength to walk to the bedroom and go to bed. and always stressing about what I’m going to try to eat because I know as soon as I get hungry, if I don’t find something to nibble on, I’ll be down for the rest of the day. Talon, TJ, my family, and my friends have been completely neglected by me. Lucky for me, they are all very understanding and very supportive. And I’m even more fortunate that my boss has been so flexible and accommodating to me at work. It’s definitely helped to relieve some stress.

So in a nutshell, having hyperemesis is when…..

• ·         You can only stomach sips of water but crave flavor SOOOO bad that you will take a drink of apple juice or orange juice but immediately regret it after, yet you will do it again the next day.
• ·         You have to have your husband drive you to the grocery store OR go for you because you don’t have the strength to go yourself and need that support in case you find yourself throwing up in isle 4.
• ·         While you love brushing your teeth to get rid of that nasty taste in your mouth, you also dread it because it also aggravates your super sensitive gag reflexes and, well you get the picture.
• ·         You wake up with some Trix (as in the cereal) stuck behind your ear because most of your eating happens in bed.
• ·         Before you eat something, you ask yourself “am I okay with throwing this back up later?” because that's most likely what will happen.
• ·         When you can’t wear anything remotely tight or fitting or it makes the nausea even worse so your limited to wearing the couple pair of stretchy pants that you have, unbuttoned and sometimes unzipped and a long shirt to cover. You would wear a dress but that would require you to shave your legs and well, that ain’t happening.
• ·         When even though you are losing weight by the day, your boobs keep growing by the minute and your bras no longer fit so you are forced to wear a tank top with a built in bra until you muster up enough strength to go to Target and find something that fits, and isn’t tight, and has no wires, and really does nothing for support. Options are limited, let me tell ya.
• ·         When you get home from work, you strip down to a tank top and underwear and that’s all you wear until you have to go out in public again (forewarning to anyone who just wants to ‘stop by’)
• ·         When you are tired alllllll of the time. Pregnancy itself causes tiredness, then not being able to consume any caffeine (not because you don’t want to, but because you can’t stomach it) is even worse, then add on the drowsiness caused by the anti-nausea meds you are taking around the clock—I call that Triple Tired.
• ·         You waste soooo much money of food because you are willing to try anything that you can keep down but really can’t eat any of it.
• ·         You now hate the thought of the foods you once loved. Me, the person who could eat all day, everyday. Now thinking about food is just misery.
• ·         When you see a commercial on TV about food, you have to close your eyes or change it real quick or when someone shares a recipe on FB you have to scroll past it real quick because just the thought of warm food can make you throw up… just the THOUGHT.
• ·         You manage to force some food and water down your throat then make one false move (turn to fast, get up to fast, eat something with flavor) then you throw it all back up and in your best Baby from Dirty Dance voice, you throw your arms up in the sky and say “ I did it for nothing!!”
• ·         You constantly have a lump in your throat and know at any given time, you could throw up. 
• ·         When you always have a trash bag, napkins, and bottled water in your car at all times.
•           You realize how great of a support system you have because your family is stepping up to do anything for you (my Aunt went grocery shopping for me, my Mom cleaned my house, my husband never says no to anything I ask)

So why am I telling you this? I assure you it’s not for pity. I knew what could be when signed myself up for this. I say this so if you see me out, at work, in town, at the ballpark and I have this horrible look of disgust on my face (I try to keep a smile but if not), it’s because I have the worst taste in my mouth and feel like at any moment in time, I could throw up. If I’m standoffish, not talkative, nor overly friendly, it’s nothing personal, it’s just because I’m so miserable that it’s hard for me to carry on a conversation. Hopefully the worst will only last a couple more weeks then I’ll get to enjoy regular morning sickness the rest of the time. :)

While with my pregnancy comes misery, the prize at the end will be so completely worth it! Come on March 2016!

So for anyone else who suffers from HG, here are some things that I have found that work---

• Take Zofran morning, lunch, evening (after you’ve had a couple of bites of something)
• Take Diclegis morning, after lunch, and before bed
• Take Phenergan at night before bed
• If you can only drink water and even that’s too hard, mix in a splash of 7UP or Apple Juice
• Food that works for me--- cold foods only (bagels, chicken salad, turkey sandwiches, pears and peaches, black bean and rice burrito)
•  Eat very small bites and very slowly
• Don’t drink through a straw
• Don't drink water on an empty stomach
• Try to eat as bland as possible

Confession:

So I’m sure many people frown at the thought of taking medications while being pregnant. However, I’m a firm believer that you have to weigh the pros and cons. I took Pheneragan during my pregnancy with Talon and he turned out a-okay. Everything I’m taking is deemed safe to take while pregnant. The alternative is to not take them, and I’m honestly not sure I nor the baby would be able to survive without them. I have to have my body as healthy and as strong as possible, not just for the baby, but also because I need my body to also naturally fight off this cancer since I’m not able to take treatment for it.