I Hate Dating

Saved By The Bell totally misled me on how great dating is. I can confidently say:  I. Hate. Dating. I once told this to a guy on a first date, which I later realized wasn't the best idea because after the date, he text me and asked if that meant I didn't want to go on another date. I didn't mean it literally, well maybe I did, I mean I like the idea of dating, but it's just so complicated.

I've been in the dating arena for a little over 3 years now and it's still a foreign language to me. The last time I dated before this was in high school and middle school. Those were the good ol' days. It was pretty much, you're cute, and I like you this week, let's AIM each other and have our mom's drop us off at the movies. That was simple. Now, it's everything but.

Dating when you don't have any kids and dating when you do have kids are two completely different ballgames. Before Talon, if I liked a guy, I would jump in with both feet and if it worked out great, if not no big deal. Now that I have Talon, if I like a guy, I dip my toe in the water to get a feel, and more times then not, that's as far as it goes. Pre-Talon, I was just looking for someone to have fun with.  Post-Talon, not only am I looking for someone to have fun with, but I'm also looking for someone to eventually have a family with.  Not immediately of course, but long term. I eventually want it to lead to something more. I want it to lead to them meeting my family, meeting Talon, and eventually become my family. When you date me, you get more than just me, you get Talon too. And that's kind of a big deal. So whoever I date has to realize how important he is to me and also realize that not just anyone gets to experience that part of my life.


So here's my conflict. I hate dating, but I want to be with someone. I'm all about family, and want my own. That's what life is all about. Your accomplishments and successes mean nothing unless you have someone to share them with. One of the biggest struggles of being a single parent is that you have to perform all the duties of what a husband and wife would normally do together. I make the money, I pay the bills, I stress over finances, I cook the dinner, I mow the grass, I clean the house, I do the laundry, I take out the trash, I make the plans, I kill the spiders, I am Ms. Fix it, I make sure Talon gets to and from where he needs to,  I have to be the brave one when I hear strange noises in the middle of the night, I have to make sure everyone is happy, I'm the one who has to be strong, even during those times when all I want to do is breakdown. It's tough. But I have become used to it. You have to become used to it. And even though I can handle all this, it still always feels like something is missing. I want that best friend to share my life with, and to share Talon's life with. I want someone to just to be there for me and to tell me everything will be okay. And if he would kill the spiders and take the trash out, that would be great too. Please someone just take out the trash! I always forget.


Now let's get back to why I hate dating. At first, dating was new and exciting. At first. But it gets old. You have to put so much time and effort into dating. And it usually doesn't work out. That's frustrating. Then, it's just so confusing at first. You are trying to figure out how you feel, and figure out if they feel the same. One of the biggest struggles I have is I'm not a patient person. If I don't get the feedback I'm looking for, I lose interest, fast.  I either am into you, or I'm not. It's black and white for me. So when I meet someone and I feel like they are in the gray, I get immmmmpatient. It's something I'm working on. Furthermore, like most girls, I'm a very vulnerable person. I know that may seem shocking because I tend to keep a hard shell on my outer surface. But once you break through that, and I let you in, I put my heart out there. My whole heart.  I've only done that a couple of times in my newly single life, and got hurt both times, and even got my heart broke once. It's not a good feeling. This is why I rarely date. Not out of the fear of getting hurt, that's a small price to pay to find true happiness. But because it takes a lot, and my life is already consumed, so sometimes it's hard for me to justify taking that risk


BUT (and this is a big but), I love love. :) I love getting to know new people, even if it does just lead to friendship. I've remained friends with every guy I've ever dated, to include my ex husband. I'm not the type that gets mad if it doesn't work out. People can't help how they feel. I've met a lot of great guys, but just not for me or I am not for them. If it were that easy, no one would be single. Now my FAVORITE part about dating : the butterflies. Oh the butterflies. They are rare, but when you get them, it's a goooood feeling. There is not a better feeling then when you get a text from a guy, or you see him, or he says something that just makes your heart flutter. And I will say, that makes dating worth it. The feeling of being liked/loved, is a good feeling.


Even though I wish I could skip the dating part and just fast forward past the confusing, awkward phase, and get right to the happily ever after part, I won't give up on dating. The way I see it, it's just another chapter in my life, and it makes for good writing. :) Though being single is a lot of fun, if I had to chose between being single or in a relationship, hands down I would pick to be in a relationship. 

So I will end this post with some do's and don'ts for the fellas(and applies to the ladies too)that I wish I could have told many of guys along the way!

1. If you like a girl, let her know. Maybe she feels the same, maybe she doesn't, maybe she's never thought about it, and if she hasn't, I bet she will after that. Every girl wants to be pursued. Make sure she knows you are interested!
2. Give her space. I like to use the phrase " I can't breath". That means back off.
3. But not too much space. We girls need attention. Lots of attention.
4. Surprise her. Girls love a random text, visit, phone call, or just any random, nice, gesture.
5. Take the hint if she's giving you one. If she's being standoffish, not responding to texts so fast, or doesn't take you up on an offer to hang out, she's not interested. Move on.
6. If a girl says she's not interested, don't get mad at her. You can't help how you feel. Neither can she.


Next Topic: Trying to analyze why I'm still single. This should be interesting.