Everybody knows those people who are completely bitter towards their ex. All they do is talk bad about them and always go on about how they are just sooo happy they are not with them anymore. Yea, un-checked baggage. Or the other side, they are over their ex and ready to move on or so they say, but their ex won't get out of their life, or now yours, and is determined to stir up as much drama as possible. Un-checked baggage. When you see those people, RUN! Those people haven't completely gotten over or let go of their ex and the only thing that is going to do is cause problems. Lots and lots of problems.
It can get even worse when a child is involved, and that's because a relationship has to be maintained with the parents even though they are no longer together. When you end a normal relationship, you can both go your separate ways and that's that. When you end a relationship when there is a child involved, you still have to keep some sort of relationship. Now what kind of relationship that is determines the type of baggage you have. Everyone knows that person who has a child and the relationship they have with the other parent of their child is just plain horrible. All you hear about is them fighting, arguing, the drama it brings, the hurtful things said to each other, etc, etc, etc. You could have just lost your job, your cat just got ran over by a sweet ol' lady on a motorized cart, you just found out your dad is the milk man, but you don't care and are still just loving your life because you are not THAT person with that baby momma/daddy drama. It's not fun being THAT person. I know this, because I once was THAT person. As I've mentioned before, the first year after Talon's dad and I ended our relationship was living hell. We couldn't have a conversation without it ending in a knock down drag out fight. It was uglier than ugly. It was eewwgly. And I knew there was no way I would ever try to date someone and bring them into that until I checked it.
So what is checked baggage? It's when you deal with your past relationships and don't let those experiences affect your life or future relationships negatively. Anytime you end a relationship, it's important to take some space and reflect on it. Maybe it wasn't their fault, maybe it was you. Whichever it is, you need to accept it, learn from it, and move on. Don't bring those issues into the new relationship, unless you want it to fail. And don't date anyone until you are over that person. Point blank.
It's harder to check your baggage when you have a child because it doesnt' depend on just you, it depends on the other parent as well. But it is possible. It depends on the maturity of the parents. Once they both get over the hurt, and realize it's not about them, and it's about doing what's best for the child, it becomes so much easier. Now there are going to be some arguments and disagreements like there would be if the parents were together. That's just a part of life. You aren't always going to agree on everything, it's just how you deal with it is what matters.
Life is just better and less stressful when your baggage is checked. As I've mentioned before, I'm still friends with my ex-husband (who is now remarried) and his family. My ex-sister-in-law is still one of my good friends. And my relationship with Talon's dad is good. We've learned through these last couple of years what works and what doesn't work. For us, we keep each other on a need to know basis. We aren't Facebook friends. We rarely see or talk to each other, unless it has to do with Talon. And it isn't because we don't like each other, we do. I respect him as a person. This is just what works best for us. What he does and what I do on our own time is our own business. The only concern we have is Talon. We generally have the same expectations regarding the dos and don't with Talon. We both want the same things for Talon. I don't worry when Talon's with his dad nor does he worry when he's with me. Now when things come up that aren't of the daily norm, it does tend to cause some conflict but we get through it. We both want to start a new life with someone new but realize we still have to get along and work together as parents, not just for Talon's sake, but for our sanity as well. Because of that, I'm now comfortable bringing someone into this situation because I feel like there wouldn't be any issues.
I think this is important for everyone, not just single parents. One should never try to be in a new relationship until they have their issues with their ex sorted out. Otherwise it will ruin your new relationship. Nobody wants to be caught in the middle of drama that they can't control.
So the moral of this story is: Check Yo Baggage!
Confession: I used to be a horrible re-bounder. That's one of the worst things you can do after you end a relationship. Not only are you leading someone on, but you are also making yourself believe you like this new person under false feelings. Nobody wins. The best thing to do at the end of any relationship is to just give yourself some space, and time, to clear your mind. Space, time, clear yo mind. Space, time, clear yo MIND! <-- to the tune of the random beats that go through my head.......
"Time waits for no man. Time heals all wounds. All any of us can wants, is more time. Time to stand up. Time to grow up. Time to let go......"
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