Family Matters Friday

So since I’m on break from school, and since Talon is on break from school, and since I had a few days off from work due to the holidays, Talon and I have been able to spend a LOT of time together, and I’ve loved every minute of it but it’s also made me realized something: time is going by way to fast.

If you know me, then you know we are always on the go. And because of that, time slips by. And it was this week that I realized just how fast…

I’m a procrastinator and I didn’t finish Christmas shopping and picking up food to cook until Christmas Eve day. As soon as Talon and I got up Christmas Eve morning, we got ready, got in the car, and started searching all over town for our last minute needs. While in Kroger, while I was panicking because I forgot my grocery list, Talon rattled off everything that I said we needed. We go to the self-check-out line, he scans everything for me, and we were in and out of Kroger in less than 10 minutes. If any of you have been to Kroger on Christmas Eve day, then you know this was quite a feat. When we got in the car, not only did I thank him for being so patient and helpful, I also thought to myself, “When did you get so old?” I remember the days when I would purposely go to the grocery on the days Talon was with his Dad because he would whine if we were there to long, and somehow the cart would end up with things that weren’t on the list. And now, I have a helper.

After running our errands, we finally make it home. One of the reasons we went to town was to stop at Michael’s so Talon could decorate a couple of ornaments for his dad and me as a present from him. (his idea) (On a side note, go to Michael’s on Christmas Eve—all of their Christmas decorations, trees, ornaments, lights, etc. were 70% off!) So once we made it home, Talon went up to his play room, painted, wrapped, and labeled our gifts all on his own and placed them ever so gently under the tree. I can’t even explain the excitement that filled Talon’s eyes when it was finally time for his dad and me to open those gifts from him. It melted my heart.

And then the day after Christmas, I worked from home, and Talon hung out with me (since he didn’t have school). Before we went to bed the night before, I let him know that just because we were home, and he was with me, I would still be working so he can’t ‘bug me’.

When I woke up that morning, I went upstairs and straight to work. About an hour later, I heard Talon get out of bed but he didn’t come upstairs. So I went downstairs to check on him and there he was laying on the couch, watching a movie on his iPad, eating donuts, and drinking a Pediasure, all of which he got all on his own,  no questions asked. I gave him a big hug and thanked him for being so big then went back to work. Throughout the morning and afternoon, I would go to check on Talon and find him in his room playing basketball, then laying upside down in our big comfy chair watching TV, then laying in his bed playing Wipeout on the Wii, then in the living room flying his toy plane, then back in his bedroom playing with his new Batman Castle, then back upstairs, laying upside down in the big comfy chair watching TV again and NEVER did he ask for anything. When it came time for lunch, I fixed us some spaghetti. It was then I remembered, “I forgot to remind you to brush your teeth!” He quickly corrected me, “I already did that mom, as soon as I got out of bed!” This is me being the overly emotional person I am but that brought tears to my eyes, for many reasons.

First, a part of me felt like a bad mom because he pretty much was left to fend for himself all day.  I know that’s part of the “bringing your kid to work” but I still felt bad. Granted he did have a house full of new toys to play with, and I know he was happy just to be around me, but I still felt bad. Second, when did my baby get so big? It made me happy that he is now big enough to do things for himself and entertain himself BUT it made me realize just how big he really is. Where does the time go?

Then I felt guilty. I thought to myself, if Talon had a brother or sister, then I wouldn’t feel so bad because he would have someone else to play with. He’s 5, I’m not even closed to getting re-married, so if and when he ever does have a sibling, they will probably be too far apart in age to really even play together. I always imagined I would have about 3 kids, and always imagined they would only be a couple of years apart, and now because of my health, and the way life has worked out, there is a chance Talon will never have a brother or sister, and that makes me sad. I think about the relationship I have with my sisters and all of my nieces and nephews and I want Talon to have those types of relationships too. Can time please slow down?

Then as always, Talon said some “only child’ things that not only made me appreciate our bond as a single mom/only child, but also made me laugh.

Talon is overly spoiled at Christmas by both sides of his family. He gets way too many presents, and I will admit I’m part of the problem as I almost always get him everything he asks for.  I mean, he’s my only child. J So before Christmas, I reminded Talon that he is very lucky that he has so many family members who not only are able to buy him gifts, but also love doing so, as there are many kids who don’t even get one present on Christmas. So I then ask him what he should do if he gets a present from someone that he maybe doesn’t like, and he says, “Like a girl toy?” Yes, like a girl toy. “I tell them ‘no thank you’, then give it back. “ Well, at least he was being polite?

Then while lying on the couch one evening, we were watching a movie and in this movie there was a marriage ceremony. Talon looked at me and said, “What’s that vacation called after you get married?” I replied, “A honeymoon?” Talon then confirmed, “Yes, a honeymoon. When you get married, then I will get to go on the honeymoon vacation too, right?” Thank you Talon for having faith that I will one day get married and thank you again for having faith that by time I do get married, you won’t be ‘too old’ to hang out with me. J

Confession: Even though it does make me sad that Talon doesn’t have a family filled with married parents and brothers and sisters, I still love the bond and relationship that just the two of us have together. I love ‘our time’ and try to do as much, just the two of us, together as possible. One of those things is Monster Jam! A couple of years ago, we spent the weekend in Indy watching Monster Jam and visiting the Children’s Museum. I just bought our tickets for the January show and can’t wait for a repeat, fun filled, weekend with my most favorite person in the world!

 

   

Family Matters Friday

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it lately but I am one proud momma. Not to be ‘that mom’, but it’s true. I mean, I guess I am "that mom". I am the mom who stresses the importance of school and doing your best, I am the mom who makes sure Talon's homework gets done with full effort, I am the mom who disciplines if Talon doesn’t try or misbehaves around others, and I’m even the mom who stands on the sidelines and yells errr reminds him to pay attention and what he should and should not be doing in sports practices/games.  I’m sure I’m sometimes that mom that other moms don’t really care for. I know for a fact that I’m that mom that Talon wishes he could trade in sometimes.  I’m far from the perfect mom. My son has a bad habit of talking back to me, or whining, or making me raise my voice more often than not. There are some days I feel like ether of us just can’t get it right. There are some nights he doesn’t take a bath because I just don’t feel like dealing with it, and there are some days I give in and let him eat an Oreo or 2 even though he didn’t eat near enough dinner to deserve one. I’m like most moms, I’m imperfect with good intentions. My intentions are for me to mold my sweet baby boy into the best person he can be. Point blank. Those intentions don’t always get executed as they should, but I try nonetheless. So when I see our (his dad's, mine, and Talon’s) hard work pay off, it makes me proud. So proud. And so worth it.  

I’m not sure if you guys have ever noticed but Talon looks a little (a lot) like me(insert sarcastic expression). But also, his demeanor is so much like me. Sometimes I really think he was cloned. 

Talon loves sports. He could dribble a basketball or hit a baseball all day and would never get tired of it. I was exactly the same at his age. After school, I would pick up a basketball and just dribble it up and down the street. Yes, I was that weird kid.

 

This summer, his team was season and tournament champs. He then joined an all-star team and they also won their tournament. He’s now playing basketball and after that hump we had to get over (see previous post), he absolutely loves it too. I don’t expect my son to become a professional athlete. I just want him to have fun, always try, never give up, like my parents never let me give up. I am so thankful they never did because some of the best memories from my childhood are from playing sports. I proudly displayed my trophies as does Talon.

And then there is school. When I was in elementary school, I was that kid who asked for extra homework and dominated in math races on the blackboard. Again, that weird kid. I’m still pretty proud of that. I love school. I always have. Talon started kindergarten this year and I see that same love for it that I had at his age. He enjoys school, he loves doing homework and showing off his reading skills, and he is just so well behaved. I had a parent/teacher conference with his teacher not to long ago and when I left, I had tears in my eyes. Tears of joy of course. She mentioned how hard he tries, how smart he is, how he’s a role model, and how the other kids (and teachers) love him. That’s what any parent wants to hear. And it makes me so thankful. Thankful because I know lots of great parents who try so hard to get their child motivated to learn and they just don’t have any desire. While I’d like to take full credit for how well Talon does in school, I can’t. It’s just how he is. 

So far this year, Talon has received a couple of awards for doing well in learning, another for being Student Of The Week, and another for being Student Of The Month. Furthermore, the teacher gives the students a sticker for each day the students behave and do their work. Talon has only lost one sticker this year, and I couldn’t even get mad at him for it because it was a misunderstanding mixed with defending himself.

So to sum all of that, I am one proud mom. And while this post may seem a smidge boastful, that's not my intentions. It's simply to show how rewarding being a mother is. What was life like before kids?? I really feel like it didn't exist.....

Confession:: I can't take full credit for all the good Talon does. His father plays just as an important role in his life as I do. My number one priority since his dad and I split up has been to still make sure we still work together in raising Talon. I think this is proof that we do a pretty good job....

Guess Who's Back

Welcome to my blog!  ... again.

So I realize I've fallen off the 'blog' wagon here lately. I really don't have an excuse, or a good one anyways. I really enjoy blogging, I do, but sometimes it just seems easier to Facebook my thoughts and random moments because, well, it takes less effort. Nevertheless, I've missed blogging. So here I am. I'm back! And to ensure I don't slack off again, I am committing myself to write at least one blog a week. Yikes!! <--- that's what I said. But I'm going to do it. So this one post a week won't just be any ol post, it will be about parenting experiences from the week: a good story, a lesson learned, a lesson taught, or just some complete randomness. Heck, I might even surprise myself. I shall call this weekly post, "Family Matters" . So be on the look on. But don't you worry, you will still get other random posts about other random things that pop into my random head. "Family Matters" is just my motivation for me to blog weekly. 

But for now, I think I owe you guys a recap of my life here lately. So here it goes....

You maybe wondering why I just posted a picture of binders, folders, and highlighters. Well, it's my life. This bag with those binders/folders/etc represent almost every part of my life. They keep me sane. Here's how:

Striped Folder. That's my school folder. 1 more project, 2 more papers, and 2 finals and this semester will finally be over. Thank you sweet baby Jesus. I'm not sure if I've told y'all lately but I can't wait to graduate. It's been 8 years in the making. After next spring, I might actually have some free time. You know, time when I come home from work and don't have a paper to write, or a book to read, or a project to research, and can just do whatever the h-e double hockey sticks I want. I can taste it now and it tastes goooood.

Pink Planner. Speaking of free time, whatever happened to that anyway? Talon starting kindergarten has made me realize that I need more time in the day, or I need two of me, or I need an assistant. And since I can't make any of those happen, say hello to my makeshift assistant: my planner. I am completely lost without that thing. Between work, school, my homework, Talon's homework, Talon's school activities, Talon's extra-curricular activities, my doctors appointments, and all of my families outings, there is rarely a day I don't have something to do.  

Blue/Purple Binder. That's my Rotaract binder. Right now we are in the middle of our biggest service project of the year:: Warm Blessing's Meal Kitchen 'Neccessities Drive'. This is our third year doing it. We collect donated 'neccessities' such as shampoo, body wash, toothbrushes, etc. and separate them into bags and they are given out to the patrons of the soup kitchen during their Christmas meal. This is definitely one of my favorite projects we do but it's also the one that stresses me a bit. That is because I want to make sure we get enough items for everyone.I hate the thought of someone who needs these items not getting them. In a couple of weeks, you'll probably see me and T at the store with a basket like this...


Grey Binder. This is the my least favorite binder... It's my bills organizer. Every time I open up my mailbox, this song pops into my head...

Destiny's Child- Bills, Bills, Bills

Why? Because that's all that's ever in there. Luckily I can pay my bills but I wouldn't mind if there were fewer of them. Car payment, house payment, my health insurance, Talon's health insurance, my life insurance, Talon's life insurance, car insurance, homeowners insurance, cell phone, cable, electric, water, trash, you know all of the adult stuff... I'm still old fashioned and write checks for almost all of them. It's a control thing, and a single mom budget thing. Which is why I have a binder thing.

Black & White Binder. What's this? Another bills binder? Why yes, turns out when you have a serious medical condition, you also need another binder to organize alll of the medical bills that come along with it. In the last 5 months, I've had 44 medical claims that total $64,000. Have I mentioned lately how much I love health insurance? This is a friendly reminder for those who feel that they are young, and healthy and don't need health insurance:: my medication that keeps me alive costs $72,000, THOUSAND, a year. I'll post an update on my health later. Until then, moving on...

White Binder. That is my latest and greatest project: Hands Filled With Heart, Inc. You may or may not know, about 3 years ago, I found my real passion:: volunteering and giving back to the community. As a result, I started a Facebook group called 'Hands Filled With Heart' that was designed for others who also enjoy giving back but didn't know where to start.

(This is our logo I made using my hands. It's simple but it makes me happy. )

I had a vision of this becoming more but wasn't sure what, until a couple of years later. Hands Filled With Heart, Inc is now an incorporated non-profit in the state of Kentucky. I decided to incorporate and become a non-profit because not only do I want to continue to be an 'information hub' for all local volunteer and donation opportunities in our area, but I also want to create my own projects to benefit a local organization or a need that isn't currently being addressed. To read more about how it all started, click here.  I teamed up with my mom and sister who also have the same passion and we are making it happen! I'm still finalizing the back-end work (obtaining insurance, becoming tax exempt, etc) but hope to have everything squared away by the first of the year so we can start 2013 full force. We already have tons of ideas of different things we want to do. To read more, click here. I can't even explain how completely excited I am about this.

Purple Folder. That little gem just got added last week. It's filled with my Christmas shopping list for the 25 people I need to shop for along with the receipts of everything I've bought thus far. I usually wait until a couple of weeks before Christmas to do my shopping but I decided to be proactive this year and I think it's working against me. I've done most of my shopping online, which is great, but I am already forgetting what I have bought so far. I bought Talon a pullover last weekend and when I got back home, I realized I already bought him one just like it. Maybe I should also take pictures and put them in the folder as well.....

There's one thing in my life I don't have a folder for and that's work. Instead, I have a marker board to keep me organized.

Note:: That masterpiece to the right is not my work of art. My sweet little 4 year old niece stopped by the office a week ago and made her mark. I just couldn't erase it. :)

So, that's what I've been up to. Stay tuned for more!

Confession:: This isn't even a confession because I think now it's quite obvious. I have an obsession with organizing. But I have to. If I didn't, I wouldn't be able to do half of the things I do because I wouldn't know if I were coming or going. You need proof? Well, twice in one week, I pulled up to the gas pump and rolled my window down. About 20 seconds went by before I realized I wasn't at a drive thru and needed to roll my window back up, get out of the car, and pump gas. So....yeah.

And how about my new layout??! 

The Ugly Truth

I can honestly say being a mother is the best part of my life. But I can also say there are days when I push aside the glass of wine and go straight for the whole, entire, bottle.

This guy right here, he's my world, he's my life, he holds my heart. He's an amazing little boy. He's cute, smart, funny, and almost always well behaved. Every teacher Talon has had since he started daycare through now has always said how wonderful Talon is. Polite, well behaved, sweet. It makes me so proud and I feel it's a reflection of mine and his dad's parenting.

BUT my sweet little angel is far from perfect. And it's in those moments that I realize how tough single parenting is.

Reality: Shortly after Talon's dad and I ended things, Talon and I went with my family to Michigan for my cousin's wedding. Talon was 2. I still have nightmares from that trip. Talon whined the entire time. The ENTIRE time. He wanted no part of that trip and there was nothing I could do to make him happy, and I was the only parent there to deal with it. I couldn't look over at his dad and say, " Yep, you are dealing with this one." Nope, it was just me. It was at that moment that I got my first taste of single parenting.

For the most part, his dad and I do a great job of parenting together, separately. We pretty much have the same rules for Talon, expectations from Talon, and he has the same routine on school nights at both of our houses. But even still, it's not the same as being together and parenting together, and because of that, it can make parenting challenging.

Because I am a single mom, I have to have a job, a good paying job at that, to be able to provide for Talon and myself and to be able to live this comfortable lifestyle that we do. But, that also means I have to sacrifice some time away from Talon which in return effects Talon. Monday-Friday, a different family member picks Talon up from school for us and keeps him until one of us gets off work. By time I leave work, get back to town, pick him up and get home, we eat, he takes a bath, does homework, and goes to bed. So the only time we get real, quality time together is on the weekends, that is when he's not at his dad's. With that being said, Talon is always here, there, and everywhere. So when I notice a bad habit or a streak of bad behavior, it's hard for me to effectively discipline him and for me to 'teach him his lesson' when the next day, he's going to his grandma's house or cousin's house to play and have fun. It's hard to parent.

Example : This past week has been a prime example. Talon has developed a little temper this past week. When I pick him up from whatever house he is at, he's not ready to go and he shows this to me by throwing a fit, throwing things, and yelling. If you know my kid, you know this is not like him. He really is a sweet and loving kid. Really. I know the main reason this happens is because he is tired from his long day. He is like me and needs sleep. He needs a long nap everyday, and doesn't get that anymore. My family isn't home long enough to let him take a nap after school or if he's with his cousins, that kid isn't going to miss out on time with them by taking a nap. By the end of the day, he's exhausted, and he's a grump, but that's still no excuse for him to act the way he has been. I discipline him, he apologizes, someone else picks him up from school the next day and by time I get him again, it repeats. And it's frustrating. As much as I get on to him, in the back of my mind I know it's my fault too. If I weren't a single parent, I wouldn't have this problem. First, if there were two incomes coming in, I could have a more 'family friendly' job that allowed me to pick him up from school every day. He could have his nap everyday after school. He would have a more structured routine.. Second, he wouldn't be bouncing from house to house so if I was trying to break a bad habit or discipline him, it would be a whole lot easier. There are times I literally want to take a week off from work just to spend that time with him to be able to break whatever bad habit or attitude he has developed.

Parenting can be exhausting, it can be frustrating, and at times I want to pull my hair out. Being a single parent is even harder because you are doing it alone. But being a parent IS also the most incredible, rewarding job in the world. Even on the days when Talon is being the grumpiest little person on the face of this planet, I wouldn't trade those days for any day without him.

Confession: Tough love has been the phrase of the week. I've had to show it way too many times lately. In the past 4 days, Talon has lost his TV privileges, he missed out on a day with his cousin, and I took away his new Wii game that just came in the mail yesterday that he hasn't even got to open yet. I do these things to teach him that there are consequences for his poor choices and know I have to do this but it never gets easier. It literally breaks my heart to see the sadness in his face when I tell him he can't do something. I always want him to be happy. I want the best for him. I want to give him the world. But I also want him to be an appreciative, respectful, sweet little boy that I know he is.

  

I Hate Dating

Saved By The Bell totally misled me on how great dating is. I can confidently say:  I. Hate. Dating. I once told this to a guy on a first date, which I later realized wasn't the best idea because after the date, he text me and asked if that meant I didn't want to go on another date. I didn't mean it literally, well maybe I did, I mean I like the idea of dating, but it's just so complicated.

I've been in the dating arena for a little over 3 years now and it's still a foreign language to me. The last time I dated before this was in high school and middle school. Those were the good ol' days. It was pretty much, you're cute, and I like you this week, let's AIM each other and have our mom's drop us off at the movies. That was simple. Now, it's everything but.

Dating when you don't have any kids and dating when you do have kids are two completely different ballgames. Before Talon, if I liked a guy, I would jump in with both feet and if it worked out great, if not no big deal. Now that I have Talon, if I like a guy, I dip my toe in the water to get a feel, and more times then not, that's as far as it goes. Pre-Talon, I was just looking for someone to have fun with.  Post-Talon, not only am I looking for someone to have fun with, but I'm also looking for someone to eventually have a family with.  Not immediately of course, but long term. I eventually want it to lead to something more. I want it to lead to them meeting my family, meeting Talon, and eventually become my family. When you date me, you get more than just me, you get Talon too. And that's kind of a big deal. So whoever I date has to realize how important he is to me and also realize that not just anyone gets to experience that part of my life.


So here's my conflict. I hate dating, but I want to be with someone. I'm all about family, and want my own. That's what life is all about. Your accomplishments and successes mean nothing unless you have someone to share them with. One of the biggest struggles of being a single parent is that you have to perform all the duties of what a husband and wife would normally do together. I make the money, I pay the bills, I stress over finances, I cook the dinner, I mow the grass, I clean the house, I do the laundry, I take out the trash, I make the plans, I kill the spiders, I am Ms. Fix it, I make sure Talon gets to and from where he needs to,  I have to be the brave one when I hear strange noises in the middle of the night, I have to make sure everyone is happy, I'm the one who has to be strong, even during those times when all I want to do is breakdown. It's tough. But I have become used to it. You have to become used to it. And even though I can handle all this, it still always feels like something is missing. I want that best friend to share my life with, and to share Talon's life with. I want someone to just to be there for me and to tell me everything will be okay. And if he would kill the spiders and take the trash out, that would be great too. Please someone just take out the trash! I always forget.


Now let's get back to why I hate dating. At first, dating was new and exciting. At first. But it gets old. You have to put so much time and effort into dating. And it usually doesn't work out. That's frustrating. Then, it's just so confusing at first. You are trying to figure out how you feel, and figure out if they feel the same. One of the biggest struggles I have is I'm not a patient person. If I don't get the feedback I'm looking for, I lose interest, fast.  I either am into you, or I'm not. It's black and white for me. So when I meet someone and I feel like they are in the gray, I get immmmmpatient. It's something I'm working on. Furthermore, like most girls, I'm a very vulnerable person. I know that may seem shocking because I tend to keep a hard shell on my outer surface. But once you break through that, and I let you in, I put my heart out there. My whole heart.  I've only done that a couple of times in my newly single life, and got hurt both times, and even got my heart broke once. It's not a good feeling. This is why I rarely date. Not out of the fear of getting hurt, that's a small price to pay to find true happiness. But because it takes a lot, and my life is already consumed, so sometimes it's hard for me to justify taking that risk


BUT (and this is a big but), I love love. :) I love getting to know new people, even if it does just lead to friendship. I've remained friends with every guy I've ever dated, to include my ex husband. I'm not the type that gets mad if it doesn't work out. People can't help how they feel. I've met a lot of great guys, but just not for me or I am not for them. If it were that easy, no one would be single. Now my FAVORITE part about dating : the butterflies. Oh the butterflies. They are rare, but when you get them, it's a goooood feeling. There is not a better feeling then when you get a text from a guy, or you see him, or he says something that just makes your heart flutter. And I will say, that makes dating worth it. The feeling of being liked/loved, is a good feeling.


Even though I wish I could skip the dating part and just fast forward past the confusing, awkward phase, and get right to the happily ever after part, I won't give up on dating. The way I see it, it's just another chapter in my life, and it makes for good writing. :) Though being single is a lot of fun, if I had to chose between being single or in a relationship, hands down I would pick to be in a relationship. 

So I will end this post with some do's and don'ts for the fellas(and applies to the ladies too)that I wish I could have told many of guys along the way!

1. If you like a girl, let her know. Maybe she feels the same, maybe she doesn't, maybe she's never thought about it, and if she hasn't, I bet she will after that. Every girl wants to be pursued. Make sure she knows you are interested!
2. Give her space. I like to use the phrase " I can't breath". That means back off.
3. But not too much space. We girls need attention. Lots of attention.
4. Surprise her. Girls love a random text, visit, phone call, or just any random, nice, gesture.
5. Take the hint if she's giving you one. If she's being standoffish, not responding to texts so fast, or doesn't take you up on an offer to hang out, she's not interested. Move on.
6. If a girl says she's not interested, don't get mad at her. You can't help how you feel. Neither can she.


Next Topic: Trying to analyze why I'm still single. This should be interesting.