This guy right here, he's my world, he's my life, he holds my heart. He's an amazing little boy. He's cute, smart, funny, and almost always well behaved. Every teacher Talon has had since he started daycare through now has always said how wonderful Talon is. Polite, well behaved, sweet. It makes me so proud and I feel it's a reflection of mine and his dad's parenting.
BUT my sweet little angel is far from perfect. And it's in those moments that I realize how tough single parenting is.
Reality: Shortly after Talon's dad and I ended things, Talon and I went with my family to Michigan for my cousin's wedding. Talon was 2. I still have nightmares from that trip. Talon whined the entire time. The ENTIRE time. He wanted no part of that trip and there was nothing I could do to make him happy, and I was the only parent there to deal with it. I couldn't look over at his dad and say, " Yep, you are dealing with this one." Nope, it was just me. It was at that moment that I got my first taste of single parenting.
For the most part, his dad and I do a great job of parenting together, separately. We pretty much have the same rules for Talon, expectations from Talon, and he has the same routine on school nights at both of our houses. But even still, it's not the same as being together and parenting together, and because of that, it can make parenting challenging.
Because I am a single mom, I have to have a job, a good paying job at that, to be able to provide for Talon and myself and to be able to live this comfortable lifestyle that we do. But, that also means I have to sacrifice some time away from Talon which in return effects Talon. Monday-Friday, a different family member picks Talon up from school for us and keeps him until one of us gets off work. By time I leave work, get back to town, pick him up and get home, we eat, he takes a bath, does homework, and goes to bed. So the only time we get real, quality time together is on the weekends, that is when he's not at his dad's. With that being said, Talon is always here, there, and everywhere. So when I notice a bad habit or a streak of bad behavior, it's hard for me to effectively discipline him and for me to 'teach him his lesson' when the next day, he's going to his grandma's house or cousin's house to play and have fun. It's hard to parent.
Example : This past week has been a prime example. Talon has developed a little temper this past week. When I pick him up from whatever house he is at, he's not ready to go and he shows this to me by throwing a fit, throwing things, and yelling. If you know my kid, you know this is not like him. He really is a sweet and loving kid. Really. I know the main reason this happens is because he is tired from his long day. He is like me and needs sleep. He needs a long nap everyday, and doesn't get that anymore. My family isn't home long enough to let him take a nap after school or if he's with his cousins, that kid isn't going to miss out on time with them by taking a nap. By the end of the day, he's exhausted, and he's a grump, but that's still no excuse for him to act the way he has been. I discipline him, he apologizes, someone else picks him up from school the next day and by time I get him again, it repeats. And it's frustrating. As much as I get on to him, in the back of my mind I know it's my fault too. If I weren't a single parent, I wouldn't have this problem. First, if there were two incomes coming in, I could have a more 'family friendly' job that allowed me to pick him up from school every day. He could have his nap everyday after school. He would have a more structured routine.. Second, he wouldn't be bouncing from house to house so if I was trying to break a bad habit or discipline him, it would be a whole lot easier. There are times I literally want to take a week off from work just to spend that time with him to be able to break whatever bad habit or attitude he has developed.
Parenting can be exhausting, it can be frustrating, and at times I want to pull my hair out. Being a single parent is even harder because you are doing it alone. But being a parent IS also the most incredible, rewarding job in the world. Even on the days when Talon is being the grumpiest little person on the face of this planet, I wouldn't trade those days for any day without him.
Confession: Tough love has been the phrase of the week. I've had to show it way too many times lately. In the past 4 days, Talon has lost his TV privileges, he missed out on a day with his cousin, and I took away his new Wii game that just came in the mail yesterday that he hasn't even got to open yet. I do these things to teach him that there are consequences for his poor choices and know I have to do this but it never gets easier. It literally breaks my heart to see the sadness in his face when I tell him he can't do something. I always want him to be happy. I want the best for him. I want to give him the world. But I also want him to be an appreciative, respectful, sweet little boy that I know he is.
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