Change

Change is something we all often struggle with. I, for one, often resist change. I still write checks, I keep the postal service in business because I still mail my bills, and still read paperback books. Why? Well just because that's how I've always done it.  However, I've always been a believer in changing yourself, not for someone else, but for yourself. To continue to improve yourself, to grow, to become better than the you you were yesterday. But what I learned this past year is change isn't always planned, sometimes it just happens, and it happened a lot in 2014.

In 2014, I learned how great wearing comfy clothes really is and how wonderful sitting on the couch and watching TV or a movie can be. It's no secret that I've been one to over commit. Before graduating college in 2013, I worked full time, went to school, raised a very busy little boy, and was involved in several organizations. Being busy was all I ever knew. And then I married TJ. A guy who wears sweatpants 80% of the time and can quote almost every movie ever. He's a homebody-- totally opposite of how I was. But over time, he started to rub off on me, and I will admit, I kinda like it, a lot. I've bought more sweatpants and yoga pants and have sat on the couch drinking a glass of wine, watching a movie more times in the past year than I probably have in the past 10 years. 

In 2014, I learned to better manage the side effects of my leukemia. I realized how bad sodas made me feel and now *gasp* only drink one caffeinated drink a day (tea) and drink only water the rest of the day, a lot of water. Me, this girl, the one who literally grew up on Coke and only drank water if it was the only option.  But all it took was one Monday (I remember it well) when I was side effect sick, I drank a soda, and realized it made me feel 10x worse. It was that day I decided I was done with soda, and it's been water ever since.  Somehow I also became lactose intolerant and can no longer drink milk nor eat ice cream. That's been a bummer because I loved me some milk but am working to find an alternative that is just as good. I started taking more vitamins and have became a huge believer in Airborne. I consistently have a low white blood cell count which means I'm at risk for getting sick very easily. However, anytime I feel I'm coming down with something, I start taking Airborne on top of the other vitamins I'm already taking and I feel it's because of that I (knock on wood) rarely get sick, other than side effect sick.  I get more rest because I realized my body needs it. I mean, I guess I understand, fighting off cancer everyday is grounds for being exhausted. Because of that, I go to bed around 9:00pm. There have been times I've gone to bed even earlier. There are even times when I have to lay down during the day, and luckily have a job that can accommodate to that from time to time, because my body needs it. I still often have a headache and battle fatigue, but the nausea isn't as bad and it's been weeks since I've gotten sick from my meds. Even though I still don't feel great every day, I feel better than I have since being diagnosed with CML.

In 2014, I learned how to disconnect.  I have a job that is very demanding of my time but I absolutely love what I do. It's a perfect fit for me as I believe in our mission and there is no such thing as a boring day. However, there are times when after a full day at the office, I'll bring my laptop home and continue working until bed time or over the weekend. I don't like coming in to the office in the morning feeling overwhelmed so I often use my free time to catch up. But what I learned is how quickly it can consume my time without me even realizing it. There have been nights where I've sat on the couch working and Talon has asked me to tuck him in and I'd tell him I'd be up shortly. An hour would pass and I'd finally make my way upstairs only to find my sweet little boy fell asleep waiting on me. Talk about feeling like a bad mom. It's in those moments I realized how important it is to disconnect. And I'll admit, it's something I'm still working on but step one is realizing it's a problem, right? Right.

In 2014 I learned to slow down and focus only what is important-- my family and just enjoying every moment with them.  I've made sure to spend as much quality time with Talon as possible, whether it's playing a game together, going bowling together, or just laying in bed and watching his favorite show together. Another thing I love about my job is it also allows me to still be the mom I need to be even with a career. There are some days I have to go in very early or work very late but for the most part, I get off by 4:30 and have plenty of time to do my mom duties and still spend time with Talon. When Talon's on break from school, it's never an issue if I have to bring Talon with me to work or to work from home to be with him when he's sick. And I'm so thankful for that. With losing both of my cousins, the quote 'tomorrow isn't promised' became a reality and I realized I don't want to wake up one morning and regret focusing on things that didn't matter instead of spending as much time as possible with those that do. 

Last year I stopped making New Year's resolutions, just to continue following the path God has created for me. This year I plan on doing the same. My only hope for 2015 is that it is a year of comfort, healing, and peace for my aunt, uncle, and the rest of my family.

From my family to yours, Happy New Year.