Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

I never imagined one trip the ER would lead to 1 surgery, 2 nights in the hospital, 3 CT scans, 4 rounds of antibiotics, 8 blood tests, 4 doctors appointments, 6 trips to the hospital, losing 10 pounds, taking Aspirin daily, and me being able to list a surgeon and an oncologist as my doctors, all in 3 weeks. But then again, I also never imagined my 5 year old son would try to encourage me to do online dating, but that's besides the point. My point is, life is full of surprises. Sometimes life is great, and other times you are that kid in a pink bunny costume whose stuck in a swing...

Last week when I left the doctor, I had a sense of hope. My white blood count and platelet count were dropping, and so long as they did, we would just monitor it and hope whatever is going on with me would just correct itself. So when I went for blood work today, I just knew the news would continue to be good. But after getting my results, my hope was yanked right from under me. My white blood count and platelet count are as high as they've ever been. I knew this before my doctor did because after getting your blood work done so many times, you learn the system. I picked up my results as soon as I could. So then I was just waiting, waiting for my Oncologist to call and tell me what I already knew::it's time to do a Bone Marrow Biopsy.

I am anxious yet also relieved. The hardest part of this process has been the testing and waiting, testing and waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Waiting for something more minor to show up that could be the cause of my blood issues. But nothing, so it's hard not to speculate that this could be something serious. It's emotionally draining. So I'm very relieved that I will soon know once and for all.

So what will the bone marrow biopsy tell us? It will tell us if I have a blood disorder, and it will tell us if I have Leukemia. Hopefully it will tell us that I don't have either of those, and the problem is something else. Something that we just can't figure out....

As I was sitting at the hospital today waiting to do more tests then getting the undesirable results, I was getting frustrated. Frustrated that I was having to go through this inconvenience. But I was quickly reminded that it could be worse. It can always be worse. There was a little boy about Talon's age doing blood work. There was also another little boy about Talon's age getting a CT scan too. Both of their mom's were just clenching them tight trying to comfort them. I don't know what they were getting these tests for but it brought tears to my eyes. As a mother, I can't even imagine. The worst feeling in the world is when your child is hurt or sick and there is nothing you can do to make it better. I am so thankful this is happening to me and not Talon. I am so thankful I have a sweet, healthy, happy, and sometimes whiny beautiful little boy. :)

My bone marrow biopsy is Friday. It will take 1-2 weeks before I get the results back. Cross your fingers for good results. Cross your toes that I don't scream like a little girl when they stick that needle in my bone and suck out that marrow. And cross your arms that they get what they need with that needle and don't have to chip off a piece of my bone. Ooooouch!! I expect to be babied all day Friday :) :)

I will end this blog with a song. This one is dedicated to my blood::