Then And Now

Having a child when you are 20 versus having a child when you are 30 are two completely different experiences.

I'm sure you’ve seen those commercials that depict a first time mom verses a mom having her second child. First time moms are usually extremely cautious, follow all the rules, are big germaphobs, and big worriers. By time the second child comes along, all the rules go out the window and it’s not uncommon for the 5 second rule to be applied in the event the pacifier hits the floor (after putting it in your mouth to clean it off first before giving it back to baby of course). I’m sure all my mom friends of more than one kid can attest to this. 

But let me tell you, when there is a 9 year gap between your first and second AND you had your first when you were basically a kid yourself, that typical depiction definitely doesn’t apply. 

And here’s why…

I had Talon 2 weeks before my 21^st birthday. I couldn’t even legally have a glass of wine but created a life. Crazy, right? I was only a couple of years into my adulthood, recently divorced, and still trying to figure out who the hell I was. If you haven’t ever read My HardestConfession, I would highly recommend it. And in the middle of all that, I was getting ready to become a mom. Because I knew very little about babies (aside from what I learned by being an aunt, twice) and because we hadn’t yet built up a savings, we were dependent upon hand me downs, others telling us what we needed and what to do, and just learning as we went. Talon’s crib was a hand me down and I never thought to check it for any recalls or safety issues. While I was able to register for things for his room, I didn’t get to prepare his nursery exactly how I wanted (and even if I could wouldn’t have even known where to begin). And I registered for all those waste of money items—you know, that Diaper Genie, bottle warmer, and wipe warmer. While I’m definitely not complaining because we were so blessed and lucky to have such a supportive family make sure we had everything we needed and more, we were definitely winging it. I’m sure I ate lots of things during my pregnancy that were a big no no. And even though I was underage, I still had a small glass of wine at my sister’s wedding and a small glass of champagne on New Year’s (I know a lot of you just gasped). 

And even after Talon was born, two weeks later we left him overnight with his grandma so we could go out and celebrate my 21^st birthday with my family and friends. Before he was a year old, he took his first cab ride, and it wasn’t on vacation in Chicago or New York, it was in E ’town, KY. Yep. His dad and I went to a friend’s house to hang out and brought Talon with us and put him to bed in our friend’s room (we did bring the baby monitor if that counts for anything). We both had some drinks and the plan was to stay that night there. Well, after a few hours we decided we wanted to stay in our own bed so what did we do? What any responsible, slightly intoxicated parents would do, called a cab, loaded up the car seat, and went home. Never mind the fact that we were both drinking and if an emergency arose in the night, neither of us would have been able to drive. Why am I admitting this? It’s definitely not because I’m proud of it, that’s for sure. It’s because luckily I grew up.  Looking back, I laugh and almost cry and wonder how Talon survived with such young, inexperienced parents but somehow he turned out healthy, smart, and into a good kid.

Now flash forward 9 years later, this pregnancy is so completely different.

First of all, let’s talk about the baby room. Since this pregnancy was planned and TJ and I have good, steady careers, we actually had a budget for purchasing baby things--- in this example the nursery. Instead of relying on hand me downs (again nothing wrong with them), I’ve been able to buy the things that I want. And I didn’t just buy things to buy things, I actually did my research. I learned from Talon’s crib that most cribs aren’t made for vertically challenged momma’s. I had the hardest time getting him in and out of his crib so crib height was definitely a huge factor this go around. Also, I don’t think I’ve ever read so many reviews on baby items. Is it safe? Is it practical? Is it worth the money? Things I really didn't think about when preparing for Talon.

Now let’s talk about wine. If you know me, you know how much I love a good glass of red wine. I saw this meme on FB one day and am pretty sure it was created for me. 

No matter how much I’ve wanted to take even just a sip, I’ve refrained. While I truly believe a sip or two would not hurt the baby at all, it’s a chance that isn’t worth taking. Same with foods. While I think some recommendations of what not to eat are a little over cautious, it’s not worth the risk. Have a followed all the rules? No. I eat lunch meat, I consume some caffeine every day, I’m occasionally around second hand smoke, and take prescribed medicines every single day,  but I’m much more cognizant of it this go around. And the reason really being because my baby and pregnancy have enough going against them with my health alone, no need adding any other possible risks into the equation.  I’d rather be too cautious than not enough than have to live with knowing that I could have prevented something from happening otherwise.

Then there’s leaving the baby after she arrives. I was back to work full time, 50+ hours a week about 4 weeks after Talon was born. With Taylor, I plan on taking 8 weeks off after she arrives but even that doesn’t seem nearly long enough. We have a wedding to go to this summer where I thought about leaving her overnight with family but I’m about 99% sure that won’t happen because I don’t think I’ll be ready to leave her for that long just yet.

I read baby blogs, I fill out and mail in all those warranty/recall forms for everything we purchase, I count kicks, I have checklists on things I need to do before she gets here, I even downloaded an app to check her heartbeat every day.

And while it may seem like poor Talon got the short end of the stick, that’s definitely not the case now. Luckily while raising him, I grew up along the way. Even though I should be used to him not staying with me every night since I share his time with his dad, it hasn’t gotten easier over the years. If anything, it’s gotten harder. I miss him terribly when he’s gone. On top of that, I worry non stop when he’s not with me. Though I know he’s probably fine, when he’s with me, I know 100% he is fine.  And I’m so protective of him, and have become even more so knowing that his world is really getting ready to change and want to make sure no one shows him any less attention or favoritism towards his sister. My babies are my world.  

So will I still apply the 5 second rule to a dropped pacy? Probably. But as far as preparing and getting ready, this time around feels so completely different. I’m not anxious, I’m not nervous, and I feel ready. Let’s see if that feeling lasts once she is here. :)