Just The Two (Now Three) of Us

When I became a single mom, I vowed to not let people come in and out of Talon's life, specifically, anyone I date. First I think it's hard enough on a child as it is to be raised in two different homes because of no fault of their own. But then to get attached to your mom or dad's new significant other, it not working out, and not seeing them again-- that's really unfair to a child and can be confusing. I wasn't going to let that happen to Talon. 

I've always been very protective of Talon, and very selfish of my time with him. Luckily for Talon, he has a great dad who loves him and wants to be with him as much as I do. The downfall for me: that means I don't get to see Talon every single day. And after 5 years, you'd think it would get easier, but it doesn't. So when I have Talon, he has my undivided attention. 

Talon's dad and I split up when Talon was around the age of 2. Because he was so young, he doesn't ever remember his dad and I being together. He has always known it to be just me and him. Up until TJ, I have never brought anyone I dated around Talon. So for the past 5 years, it's just been the two of us- he's my sidekick, my wingman, my world, and our bond is inseparable. 

 

And I did this to protect Talon, but turns out it was a catch 22. 

Since Talon has had my undivided attention for the last 5 years, it was difficult for him to have to share it. Talon had never seen me hold a guys hand, much less kiss a guy, so the first time he saw that type of affection between TJ and I, it was as uncomfortable for me as it was for Talon. And for some reason I felt guilty. I felt more guilty the first couple of times TJ came over to hang out with me and Talon. Talon loved it so long as TJ was paying attention to him, but as soon as TJ started paying attention to me, he got a little jealous. He never initially told me this, but my momma sense could tell. And finally I got him to confess-- "I don't like it when you pay attention to TJ and not me." After he told me this, I picked him up, gave him a big squeeze, and reassured him that he will always be my number one, and I'll always make sure to make time just for us. And I will, he's my baby after all. 

And has time has passed, Talon and TJ have become two peas in a pod, and Talon loves having him around as much as I do. And the funny thing is, they are both so much alike. They both love sports, love playing sports, love watching sports, playing video games, and love to wear what Talon and I call "comfy clothes'. They are my boys. :) I love peaking my head into Talon's room and watching and listening to them banter back and forth about whose team is going to beat who in the video game. I love hearing Talon call TJ by his nickname that he gave him-- 'Teej". I love watching their relationship grow. It truly warms my heart. It's important that whoever I marry is as good to Talon as they are to me, and TJ is just that. 

It's just another reason why I love him. :)

And at the end of the day, I'm happy I made that vow five years ago. Because of that, Talon will never have a memory of 'that one guy I dated'. Just his dad, and his step dad. 

 

Confession: This has still been a struggle for me. Talon will still get upset if he knows TJ and I do something 'fun' without him. As a result, I have convinced him that when he's at his dad's, TJ and I just sit at home, do absolutely nothing, and it's so completely boring, so he doesn't think he's missing out. But I know the worst thing I can do as a mother is lead my son to believe the world revolves around him. But I just love him sooooooo much, it's hard. But I'm working on it. 

I'm working on it. :)