The Bowling Alley That Built Me

My sister called me this past weekend and asked if I wanted to go out to the bowling alley one last time before it was no longer in the Taylor name. We were busy so I told her no, and that I had already said my goodbyes when our dad officially retired and sold his part a couple of years ago. Myself, my sisters, and our parents took some photos with the soon to be old sign that year to commemorate the end of an era. But it was the next day after she had called me that I realized, this was hitting a little different than I thought it would. A lot different. 

The bowling alley, officially registered as Airport Bowling Lanes but known as Dix-E-Town Lanes, was founded in 1963 by five owners, one of them being my papaw B.L Taylor. And as of May 19th, 2024, the bowling alley for the first time in 60 years will no longer be in the Taylor name. 

And when I really think about that, a flood of emotions run through me. And that’s because the bowling alley built me. 

The bowling alley is where my parents met. My mom actually began working at the bowling alley before my dad (whose parents owned it) ever did. And it’s where they’d meet. We joke about the fact that mom was an employee at the bowling alley longer than dad. 

Soon after in 1983, my grandparents bought out the other owners and became the sole owners of Dix-E-Town Lanes. At that time, my dad worked full time outside the bowling alley, at Lowes when mom was pregnant with me, while also working full time at the bowling alley unpaid helping his parents undertake this big financial obligation that was going to create this amazing life for his family. 

The bowling alley brought my family closer together, and at times tore us apart. When my grandparents became the sole owners, their three sons (Denny, David, and my dad Dean) also became a part of the bowling alley. My uncle Denny did the financials, my dad and uncle David helped with the operations. It was literally a family affair. They worked together by day, and we took family trips to the lake, the beach, Gatlinburg, and beyond by downtime. The Taylor family was tight. I can remember many of holidays and just becauses spent at the bowling alley with the entire Taylor family, eating, cooking, laughing– the fish frys, us cousins dressed in Thanksgiving garb, performing the latest play we made up, the birthday parties, all these things when I was a kid to later when I had kids of my own, spending many holidays with them there, too.

But also when you spend that much time together and financially tied to the same investment, there’s bound to be some disagreements. That coupled with tragedies and broken hearts of our mamaw, the matriarch passing soon after my Uncle Denny passing at such a young age which led to my aunt and cousins moving back to Michigan, that things began to change. Time would lead our family down different paths as the grandkids began to grow older. That’s how life works. Later my papaw would pass, then my uncle David and aunt Tonya would lose both of their kids, our cousins, tragically. So much love was shared at the bowling alley, and so much loss.

The bowling alley made me who I am. My parents worked out there full time my entire life up until a few years ago. The bowling alley was my daycare from birth until I started school then the weekends and some weeknights after that. I remember pulling up a chair behind the cash register and counting back change before I was even in second grade. I could tell you if a lottery ticket was a winner by just looking at the scratched off barcode. I played in every nook and cranny in the entire building, filling the coffee carafes with soda and pretending we were drinking coffee, watching I Love Lucy at 2am on the tiny fold out couch in the backroom while my parents worked the popular Thunder Bowl in the 1990s. I learned that Mr. Worm always had candy in his pocket, Bob Tharpe would always let you push the button on his watch to make it do a crazy light show, how to cook the best burger with grilled onions, how to seamlessly transition one song to the other as a DJ, the trick to scooping the best ice cream, how it’s impossible to not get cotton candy all over you when making it, how to create and market for events, how to cook the best salty popcorn, and later in life how to pour the perfect draft beer. It was my first job. It was where I went through my teenage rebellion phase and snuck in a few times after hours with my friends because I had a key and we would bowl. It’s where I learned how to manually keep score when bowling, what happens when you don’t leave quick enough after setting the alarm, or when you forget to put the coffee pot under the coffee maker when you turn it on, how to sucker you dad into giving you a cup full of quarters so you can play games, and so many more life skills that have continued to serve me well.  

The bowling alley gave me my work ethic. I witnessed hard work, dedication, and sacrifice from my parents every single day I was out there. My mom worked full time, for several years with at least me in tow (how did she not lose her mind) coming home each day to still take care of her three girls. I witnessed her help with efforts in giving back to the community, such as shopping for kids in the children’s home and then having a bowling party for them. She taught me how to balance being a working mom and the importance of giving back.

My dad had the financial weight of the business on his shoulders once my uncle Denny passed. He and mom were all in, this was their livelihood to raise their family, and I learned through them what it takes to run a successful business. I learned the importance of community, treating your customers well, and your employees even better. So many of these people became my extended family because that’s who they are to the Taylor family. My dad taught me the importance of taking calculated risks as he implemented new programs and even started another business. I watched my dad teach college bowling classes at ECC, the necessity to evolving to make sure your business stays relevant, the proper way to kick off a new league, how to de-escalate a bad situation, the importance of taking good care of your employees, and above all, no matter what, your family always comes first. 

The bowling alley has always been my stability. One random day in January when I was 20, I was leaving Wal-Mart and dad called to tell me we were getting bad weather (a tornado to be exact). I drove to the bowling alley because I knew I’d be safe there. That is the epitome of what the bowling alley has been to me. From the time I was a kid to an adult with my own family,  I could go there for a meal, or for fun, or if I felt lost or confused, I could go there just to be around people I know and care about and who were always happy to see you. No matter what I was going through, what my family was going through– moving, deaths, divorces…. life changed but the bowling alley always remained our stability. And that’s what I’ll miss the most. 

There’s so much I could continue to go on and say about the bowling alley. The people I met, the experiences I had, the life that it has given me and what it has meant to me, but for now, I’ll end with just being grateful for the bowling alley that built me. 

A New Season of CML

The other possible titles for this post-

• I've got 99 health problems, and leukemia is only one. But actually the other 98 are probably related.
  
• I gave my principal a doctor's note saying I should be permitted to wear tennis shoes, and I later cried.
  

But they didn't really flow. 😂 But very true headlines, nonetheless.

So here I am, 11 years in with CML. If you are new here, hello! You can go here to get caught up to speed. Everyone else, this is what I got--

As you know, my first 10 years with leukemia and it's treatment had its own set of problems that I finally learned how to live with, good bad or otherwise– fatigue, nausea, bone pain (mainly in legs/groin), busted blood vessels in my eyes, and swelling are the norm, and other fun stuff along the way like hair thinning, gum problems, food sensitivities. I’ve learned to live with and accept not feeling good the majority of my days. And My family has learned there’s a difference between me not feeling good and me being sick. Me being sick is normal people sick– cold, flu, stomach bug, etc. But that is actually rare for me, which is wild considering the fact that my target chemo treatment keeps my white and red blood cells super low. The few I have sure are strong. But not feeling well? That’s me being nauseous, fatigued, bone pain. All the things. That’s almost daily. I take at least one zofran every, single, day. But I’ve learned how to manage, I always have my apple sauce in tow, I’ve learned my limits, and say no (most times) to those things that will push my body past what it can handle, and just mentally have learned to live with it. Because It’s a small price to pay in order to stay alive, because without that treatment, I’ve got 3-5 years.

But then came year 11 this past year.  And boy did it come with  a vengeance. And it’s, been, frustrating.

The short version– I now have chronic left hip pain, had a lumpectomy (it was benign) that I’m still dealing with complications from (seroma), and have moderate carpal tunnel and ankle/wrist joint/bone pain. I haven’t been able to sleep on my left side for over 10 months due to pain in my hip and breast, am limited what I can do with my wrists such as driving for long periods of time and/or lift weights without my wrists hurting, and can only wear tennis shoes with minimal discomfort to my hip and ankle joints/bones. All of this just this year. And this is on top of the other fun leukemia side effects I deal with. 

Between January and June of this year when this all began, I had over 20 doctors appointments and tests ran, to include : hip MRI, brain MRI, multiple breast MRIs, ultrasounds and mammograms (I'm high risk for breast cancer due to my mom being diagnosed in her early 40s), two nerve studies, hip xray, steroid injections in my wrist, PT, lumpectomy, on top of my regular oncologist appointments and lab work for CML monitoring. 

Trying to juggle the mental and physical toll of dealing with these issues and these appointments with teaching and being a mom has been so very difficult. I hate missing school so I would only do a half day as needed or run out on my planning which led to days like this– 

• Having a brain MRI done in the morning and getting the results to find you have some unspecified white matter not knowing what that meant but still had to go back to school to facilitate a guest panel day for students
• Realizing mid-lecture over globalization you have a complication from surgery when you endure the worst pain and swelling in your breast and having to hide it until class is over and then call your doctor
• Finding out at an appointment you are going to have to have surgery to remove a mass then immediately going back to school to get your kids excited about a new project
• Checking your CML test results during lunch (because you've done that the last 10 years) to find out you lost your leukemia treatment response (yeah that happened too during all of this– but it’s good now) and acting like everything is normal in front of your students while trying to process the fact that your treatment may have stopped working. 

Total mental toll. Especially not getting the answers you want. I was hoping we would find a cause for all of it, any of it, so we could fix it and move on. Because that's all I want. To be/feel 'normal'. But that's another issue with having such a rare disease, there isn't a specialist in Kentucky so I'm left going to different doctors for different things, I don't have just one looking at all the things going on and trying to figure it out. Instead, I'm the one gathering the results, the opinions of those non-blood cancer doctors, and trying to make sense of it. So when the tests are essentially inconclusive, I can really only assume the cause – my leukemia. I just don’t want to hear it. Leukemia impacts your bones. The chemo treatment I take daily for it impacts your nerves and bones since it's killing the cancer in my bone marrow. Most all of this is bone/nerve related. 10 years of taking a chemo pill daily is bound to take its toll. I’ve always known it was hard on my body and known it will only get worse. But now that it’s getting worse, I’m having a hard time accepting it. Really hard.

And that’s where I'm at. In the midst of my frustration, I am learning how to deal with this new normal, just like I did my first 10 years, but honestly not with as much optimism. I did get steroid injections in my wrists which has helped (I can now sleep sleep at night), but feel surgery will soon be on the table. I now wear tennis shoes to school (talk about a struggle– me who has worn heels almost daily for the last 17 years realizing I just can’t anymore– I cried after I gave that doctor’s note to my principal which sounds silly but it’s just another thing I can’t do anymore and handing him that note made it real) and now the hip pain is usually mild, only moderate on occasion. 

It’s a new season, whether I like it or not. 

Confession: 

This blog is like a diary to me and so as I was looking through old blog posts, I came across this picture of Talon that was taken fall of when I was diagnosed–

It had me all in my feels thinking about how much he has had to endure with me having CML, and now Tot too.

It had me all in my feels thinking about how much he has had to endure with me having CML, and now Tot too. 

Life of a Golf Mom

It’s an end of another season and this one was an exceptionally emotional one for me.

I don’t normally get emotional at a golf course when Talon’s not having a great day because I know that’s just part of the game. I hate it for him, and it is so hard to watch your kid struggle because you just want to take it away but you can’t, but today was a different kind of emotion for me. And it’s because Talon didn’t really have a bad day, it just wasn’t his day. And he’s had so many of those this season that I know has been so frustrating to him, but he has kept on grinding anyways. That makes me emotional.

He had a great day at Region last week and was so much more mentally at a good place than he had been all season and was so hopeful today he’d continue to see it pay off, but it just didn’t happen. That made me emotional.

And even more so, how he handled it.

He was playing with three other kids who also didn’t have the best day and their attitude showed. There were clubs thrown, inappropriate words said, and attempts at quitting many times. But not my boy. My boy was still smiling and chatting it up with a positive attitude, even though I could see behind those eyes disappointment that it was yet another day that wasn’t his day. But he accepted it for what it was even though he’s so deserving of so much more, and that’s what made me emotional.

I’m just so proud of how he handled today. How he handled this season. How he handles life. And I know he learned so much this season that will serve him well on and off the golf course next year and beyond.

But man, what I can’t wait for him to see is the struggle pay off next year. It will be oh so sweet.

Summer of '23

Summer 2023 will always be known as the sweet spot of parenting. Taylor has grown up so much over the last few months and is so fun to hang out with. And I can still force Talon to spend time with me, and he doesn’t hate it. 

Our days were filled with swimming, hanging out with friends and family, doing all the activities, and our evenings golfing. And I even had some time for myself. But I can’t tell you how many moments, when it was just the four of us together, having so much fun, I wanted time to stop. That’s because soon I know these moments will slowly become less and less as both my kid’s independence continues to grow, and Talon begins driving next week.

One chapter is closing and another one is beginning.

Parenting is so bittersweet.

New Year, New You

New year, new you. That’s how it goes, right? If you are like me, the start of a new year would signify a time for me to eat better, workout more, and get back into shape. But if you are also like me, year after year you may start off with great intentions, but almost always end up right back where you started, or maybe even worse off. And if you are like me again, it’s because you unintentionally set yourself up for failure because you try to commit to things that you know realistically you can’t stick with, such as completely changing what you eat. Maybe you can, but If I have learned anything about myself over the years of trying, it’s that I love food too much to be disciplined enough to ONLY eat certain things, and not the things that I love. And once I finally accepted that, that’s when I finally figured out what works for me at this stage of my life; what are things that I can do to eat better, workout more, and get back into better shape and what I have learned is it’s the small changes that leads to big, achievable results.

(photo on the left is now, middle and right are from last year)

I am not a health/fitness expert by any means at all BUT I share this insight with you in hopes it may help you on your health journey too. 

1. Move: I recently read something that said you should walk 30 minutes a day. If I made that my goal, I know I would fail. Thinking about carving 30 minutes (or an 1.5 hours with a workout included) out of my every single day is a tough task and I’m just not there yet. But I do agree with the sentiment but instead of walking, I just move. Whether it’s walking around my classroom or standing while at my desk, my goal is to barely sit during the day while I’m at work. It’s made such a huge difference. I’ve had my standing desk for about 5 years. If you don’t have one, put it on your wishlist. 

2. Drink More Water: This is the easiest of all the easiest of ways to become healthier, friends. Drink. More. Water. Every. Single Day. Once you start doing this, you won’t believe how much better you will feel. You’ll realize it on a day when you don’t drink a lot of water. I drink half my body weight in ounces of water daily. This was a struggle at first but what has helped me is my water bottle. I have one that holds all the water I need to drink in a day. I have found when I used smaller water bottles/cups and ran out, I would delay filling it up thus not drinking enough water. I now ALWAYS have my water bottle with me. It’s a part of who I am now. If you’ve seen me even once over the past couple of years, you know this to be true. 😊 

(my current collection. I had more 😂)

3. Eat Dinner Earlier: Shewee this is a biggee and one I didn’t realize the impact of until I tried Intermittent Fasting. The idea behind IF is to eat your meals in a 8 hour window of time and nothing outside of that. When you do that, during your fasting phase it forces your body to use the stored sugar to burn fat. It worked for me and I saw/felt the difference quickly. What didn’t work is always only eating during that 8 hour window. Again, not realistic for the phase of life I’m in. But what did work, still works is it forced me to eat dinner early. When you eat dinner late, it is a huge culprit in weight gain. Don’t do it (unless you are going out to eat with friends, etc. then DO do it, just not every day). The old people are on to something here. “Well I have kids who have practice, ballgames, etc. so we can’t eat until late,” you say. Get 5 meals from E-Town Meal Prepping weekly to eat for your dinner early then cook for your family later. Save you some leftovers for your lunch/dinner the next day. Problem solved.

   
   (my E'town Meal Prepping dinner in the car before Talon's game)

4. Stop Snacking After Dinner: This one really goes hand in hand with #3. While it’s beneficial to eat dinner earlier, it only makes a difference if you DON’T snack after. This was something else I learned from IF. And it was that I snacked after dinner because I was bored, not because I was hungry. YOU'RE NOT HUNGRY, YOU'RE BORED <- is what you need to tell yourself when you pick up that snack cake at 9pm. You know what solves that? #5….
   
   

5. Go To Bed Earlier: The later you stay up, the hungrier you will become. So go to bed! And let’s not even dive into all the health benefits of getting a good night (8 hours) of sleep. Turn off the TV. Put down your phone, actually set your bedtime routine/reminder on your phone then put it down and GO TO BED!

6. Workout 4x A Week: Of all the things that I have done over the past year(s) to finally become healthier, this one for sure takes the most discipline. You 100% have to be intentional with your time and make it a priority but I can promise you it will be so so worth it. But here’s the thing, you CAN do it! You just have to commit to it. And what makes it doable is finding the right workout for you. I’m not talking about riding a bike or running here, I’m talking about strength training. Maybe it’s lifting 2 pound weights at home, maybe it’s joining BeachBody, or doing crossfit or just going to the gym, just find YOUR thing. 

What have I learned about myself in this part of my health journey? I’m not disciplined enough to do it on my own at home or at a gym. If I do, I don’t push myself near as hard as when I’m working out in a group. After trying all the things, I learned over 230 classes ago that Barre is my thing.  It’s a low impact, 50 min class filled with ladies of all ages, sizes, and different levels of fitness and ends with stretching and meditation every single time.  I revolve my schedule around it 4x a week and have for over a year because it has made me feel better than I ever have in my life. This is coming from someone who has leukemia and has struggled with their health for the past 9 years.

You know you better than anyone else. If you know you need accountability, put yourself out there and find YOUR THING. If you want to try Barre (and I really encourage you to do so), I’d be happy to coordinate a time we can go together so you have a familiar face. I don’t care if it’s your first time working out ever in your life, you will feel loved and welcome. It’s truly a no judgment zone. You will find your people there. 

That’s it! That is it. If it is your goal to become healthier, I personally think this is a really good place to start. If you are wanting insight on WHAT to eat, I’d just say what you want within reason, and less sodium, sugar, and sodas. (If you are wanting more specifics, lean on Becca at E'town Meal Prepping. She offers a plethora of nutrition insight for free. Follow her on Facebook.) You don’t have to completely change your lifestyle, you will still see and more importantly FEEL results with small simple changes. You just have to do it!

Here’s to a healthier new year!

Want more? Learn more about...

• Barre at Cornerstone Fitness here
• E'Town Meal Prepping here
• Hydrojugs here and also includes a coupon of $10 off $40 purchase.

My 9 Year Epiphany

This past month marked my 9th year of having leukemia. It was a milestone I was looking forward to because summer 2020, my oncologist told me when I reached that year, I might be able to stop treatment. Those were words I didn’t ever think I’d hear and immediately began to imagine what my life would be like if only. It's a beautiful image.

Honestly, it’s something I had thought about often, actually longed for even before I knew it could be an option just because of how much I’ve struggled with treatment. Although I’ve learned to manage the daily side effects 10 fold since beginning treatment, the damage it’s doing to my body overall becomes more and more evident every year.

And this past year has been the worst. 

Coincidentally in some ways I’ve never felt better. Last summer I finally found the workout that my body needed and could thrive off of. I’ve finally formed healthier eating habits. I’ve never been more healthy nor felt better in that sense. On top of learning my limits over the years, resting when I need to rest, and more, I finally felt like I was getting to the best place I had ever been since starting my treatment. 

But then this year reminded me that while I feel better day to day, the treatment that I’ve been fighting so hard to manage, which is keeping me alive, is also damaging my body. It’s such a double edge sword. 

Over the years my body has changed due to my treatment. I can't drink anything heavy in citrus, I have a dairy intolerance, I’m now allergic to nickel, my hair is fine and brittle, I’m nauseous most days, I suffer with bone pain and fatigue when I overdo it and more things I'm probably forgetting because I’m now used to it since it’s my new normal. But this year has brought new things and it has been so, very frustrating.  

Spring of this year I came down with what I assume was the usual sinus infection. A dry itchy cough lingered. My family doctor retired around the same time and I have yet to find a new one. So when I got desperate enough, I made a trip to the Zip Clinic. Make that three trips over three different months which resulted in what felt like a dozen different prescriptions to help find some relief. And finally I did get temporary relief as we entered summer. Then once July hit, the cough was back with a vengeance. When an attack would happen my throat would feel like it would swell shut, I grasped for air, and the only thing that would offer any relief was chugging water. Days would go by with me getting very little sleep, even with me sitting/sleeping straight up because I couldn’t control the cough at night. I tried every medicine cocktail I could and nothing would do the trick. I finally decided to see my allergist and further testing concluded that my allergies are likely the culprit and two Zyrtec a day were no longer doing the trick therefore I needed to start shots. The kicker, I would need to come in 2-3 times a week for 1.5 hours. Wouldn’t be a problem if it were still summer but it’s not and I can’t afford to miss that much school. So the temporary solution is to take three new prescriptions and a daily inhaler, which have helped tremendously but still not 100%. 

I have no doubt that the CML and Gleevec are the culprit.  

Did I mention I also now have a salt intolerance? That was also discovered this summer. To the point when I consume too much, I'm sick for days. DAYS. And like my other food intolerance I now have, it's easy to speculate that Gleevec is to blame.

Meanwhile I have also dealing with random dizziness. Dizziness is so bad that I have to stop what I’m doing and wait for it to pass. This started last fall. This year I've had appointment after appointment after appointment with an ENT trying to figure out what was causing it. It finally went away, or so I thought, but still dealt with bouts, all though it hasn’t been as common. 

Dizziness is a side effect of Gleevec. 

Also this spring, I went to my routine MRI for breast cancer screening, that led to a breast ultrasound, that led to an MRI breast biopsy on both breasts. If you’ve had an MRI before, you can imagine how panic attacking an MRI breast biopsy can be. You already feel like you can’t breathe while doing an MRI but this was also at the peak of my dry, itchy cough so then when you really can’t breathe, it’s total anxiety. I had to internally give myself a pep talk the entire hour.

One would argue that this isn’t leukemia related but I would beg to differ. I wouldn’t need to do this early screening and being overcautious if not for me having leukemia. Oh and side note, everything was benign. Yay.

Also this summer I finally made it to my 6 month dental cleaning and it came with bad news, news that I knew at some point would come. Among other things, treatment is also really hard on your teeth. Many women who have CML lose their hair, and many lose their teeth. I’ve had nightmares about losing my teeth for years. Literal nightmares. And also for years, I’ve dealt with inflamed gums that made me borderline periodontal. And at this appointment, I was no longer borderline, I now have periodontal disease. It took all I had not to cry when I heard the news. I know it’s so vain but first my hair, now my teeth, on top of just tired of not feeling well, I was just so, so frustrated. (It was a tough few weeks.) And when I made it to the car, I cried. And cried. And I knew it was ridiculous too because I should just be thankful that I am alive to have these inconveniences. I’ve lived an extra 6+ years thanks to this treatment and so many people would give anything to have that opportunity for their self or their child, but gosh it can be so frustrating because I can't help to just want to be normal, feel normal. 

But I still had hope. Also this summer I went to my oncologist for my monthly checkup. That’s when he reminded me that this year would be the year I might have the chance to stop treatment. He referred me to a specialist at UK in Lexington and it was finally time for that appointment. It was the glimmer of hope I needed knowing that there was a chance I could take a break from this medicine that was wrecking so much havoc on my body and just give my body a chance to see if it could fight this leukemia naturally. I knew so much risk would come with it but was so ready to take that leap of faith. 

The oncologist began with all the ways that I was a good candidate to stop treatment. And while he was talking, I could feel the ‘but’ coming. Then it came. The but was, I haven’t had a deep enough response with my current treatment. You see, if treatment works like it should, I should have 0 leukemic cells in my body. This means that the treatment is killing them instantly. I’ve never been at 0 in the past 9 years. Actually, I was once at 0 in the beginning for 3 months but never since then. I’ve been at less than 1% meaning only 1% of my blood cells are leukemic which means it’s being managed and is sufficient treatment wise, but not sufficient to stop treatment. The doctor felt if I did, those numbers would just continue to climb rather than stay stable. He said if I hadn’t achieved a deep response with this specific treatment at this point, I never would. I was thankful I had a face mask on again, because my face could not hide the disappointment.  Again, I had to hold back the tears. (And when I got home, I cried, and cried and cried. I did a lot of crying this summer if you hadn't noticed.)

He did go on to say I could try a different treatment that he felt I would have better response with and if I did after two years, at that point I could see if I could stop treatment. 

2 more years. Maybe. 

He was surprised when I told him I would have to think about it. I wish it were an easy decision , but it’s not. One would think, you say this treatment it's causing hell to your body, wouldn’t you do anything to stop? The simple answer would be yes. But it’s not simple. And that’s because I have a life outside of leukemia. 

When I started Gleevec 9 years ago, it turned my world upside down because it made me so sick. I couldn’t work a regular full time job. I had dreams of one day being a teacher but was convinced that would never be a reality because it doesn’t offer the flexibility that I needed. But here I am 9 years later, teaching, and only because over the years I’ve learned to manage those side effects. For years my kids (especially Talon) got the worst of me because it took all I had to make it through the work day and once I got home, I had to go to sleep. Those days still occur but are not as common (even though this week has been a different story). So to think about starting a new treatment could mean starting over again, and taking years to learn how to manage the new side effects, again, I can’t afford to do that. I can’t afford to miss work at the rate I might have to, I can’t afford to be any less for my kids, even if it would only be for two years and mean after those two I could stop treatment, even if only temporarily, and feel and be better than I had in years. 

I’ve cried out of frustration that the answer isn’t simple.

Since the spring, I have gone to over 15 doctors appointments due to NEW issues that I have no doubt are a result of my CML and treatment. I now take 10 medications daily, with the majority to counteract the side effects of the one that's keeping me alive. The epiphany I had as my 9 year anniversary approached was that while the treatment keeps me alive, I also feel like at some point it will be what kills me due to the damage it’s doing to my body. Because of that, I really feel like I have no choice but to give a different treatment a try but will wait until next spring as summer approaches as to hopefully not miss any work. And hope and pray it's worth it.

And if it's not, I need to remember how lucky I am to get each extra year of life that I do thanks to the bottle that comes in this bag.

The Power of Your $$

If you know me, you know I’m a huge advocate for shopping small and with people I know. Actually, it goes beyond shopping. I mean, my family doctor delivered me into this world and I’ve been banking at the same, local bank for over 18 years. And it’s because I believe you have so much power and influence in how you spend your money. 

When you give your money to a business for a product or service, you are doing more than just purchasing a product; you are telling them that you support their business AND that businesses’ behavior. And vice versa when you intentionally do the opposite. And there is so much power in that my friends. I’ve seen so many people complain about businesses lately and every time I think the same thing-- if you want them to change their behavior, stop supporting them. It’s that simple and the true beauty of capitalism. When at times we seem like our voice is so small, we forget how much power we have in our spending of every single $1. 

But it goes beyond just the power in supporting/changing behavior, by intentionally supporting small businesses you help to create a unique and eclectic community not only consumed by big box stores and you support your neighbors and friends; both in which only enhance the quality life in your community. 

Now listen, I know it’s a necessary evil to support big box/corp. I mean, I’m too spoiled to give up my iPhone and Amazon Prime, even though I know me shopping with Amazon is to my own demise as a small business women’s clothing store owner. But over the years, I’ve tried to be so much more intentional in my spending and always try to buy small first before resorting to Amazon or Target. 

And by small I do mean local businesses. But I also mean my friends who are direct sales reps and even buying used.

And I want to address some pushback I often hear on all: 

Don’t be scared away by price. So many people will tell me, “I can’t shop at your store, $50 for a sweater is too expensive, $89 for jeans is too expensive.” And I get that. I also used to say the same. Then I realized three things once I started selling those ‘expensive’ things. 

(Me selling those expensive things)

1. You truly get what you pay for. Yes I can go to Target and buy a $30 pair of jeans but I can assure you they will not fit, feel, look, and last like our $89 jeans. I’m all about quality these days.

2. Do I need 5 pairs of $30 jeans or just one or two pairs of good quality jeans that I know I’ll actually get my use out of and LOVE? I’m less about quantity these days. 

3. The markup on those Target jeans are probably 10x that of a boutique’s jeans meaning Target is making bank off of you buying them versus that small boutique. On top of that, at my store we carry some of the same brands as places like Madewell and we’ve sold the same item for a fraction of the cost than Madewell in efforts to make our product more affordable to our people. 

4. If you are intentional, you likely won't spend more overall. I am a clearance shopper and have been guilty in buying clothes that I didn’t love just because it was a good deal. And what happened? I either wore them once or twice, realized I didn’t love them and tossed them. Or worse, they either hung in my closet, still tagged until I decided to get rid of them to make more room for more clothes I probably wouldn't wear but got a good deal on them. And I can’t help but wonder, how much money would I have saved if instead of buying tons of things I didn’t need and instead just invested in a few staple pieces that I know I’ll love and wear? I don’t think I want to know that answer. 😀 Now does that mean I don’t peruse the racks of TJ Maxx and Marshalls? Of course I do. They are a couple of my favorite places to shop, especially for kids clothes. I’m just more intentional. That is the key. 

Give Direct Sales a chance. Most people are completely on board with shopping at local businesses but I often hear some pushback when it comes to trying products from a direct sales company. So much of what I consume comes from MLMs-- my probiotics, some of my makeup, my skincare, my shampoo, and so much more. Are these products any better than what you can find at a Target or Walmart? I don’t know because Target and Walmart sell soooo much, I don’t know where to start, don’t have time to try it all, and would they allow me to return them if I didn’t love them? My guess is no. With direct sales, that solves so many problems for me. I love a review on a product by someone I know before I buy it. I love someone being an expert in the product who can tell me all about it, show me how to use it, and answer any questions I have about it. And I love the fact that I can return the product if I don’t love it.

Only buy things you are in the market for. You should NEVER feel guilted in buying something you don’t need. Just because a friend has a store, is a consultant, or is hosting a party to sell a product, you should never feel obligated to buy. Now if you want to purchase a small something to show your support, that’s fair. But be intentional. I was in the market for a pair of simple earrings since my big earrings (if you know me, you know I love ‘em) don’t always go well with masks. Instead of picking up a pair from Target, I knew I had a friend who sells Plunder and waited until she had a pair that was what I was looking for. I didn’t feel obligated, it wasn’t an impulse or splurge, it was something I had on my list to purchase. It was a win win for both. 

Buy used. Last but certainly not least, normalize buying used. My husband introduced me to this concept on a whole new level years ago when he purchased used Paw Patrol toys for Tot for her 2nd Christmas. He did it because he is cheap :) but after I thought about it, I was like why hadn’t I thought of this? And it’s because we’ve been told that buying used is cheap, when it’s really not. It’s so sensible. First, that used toy was no different than a new one except it doesn’t have the wrapping on it which she just would have ripped off and trashed anyways. Also, think about how much plastic waste we eliminated by buying used and how much money we saved? After that, it was a no brainer. And now I shop Facebook Marketplace like I used to shop Amazon Prime. 😀 I mean, check out this fake tree I scored for $15.

I had been wanting one forever (intentional buying, friends) and the ones I was looking at were around $80-$100 and then I finally came across this one. It’s perfect. 

We have so much power in how we spend our every $1. If you think, ‘ I don’t spend enough for it to matter.” As a small business owner, I can assure you, every single dollar spent at our store has a bigger impact than you can imagine and means so much to us. Probably a whole lot more than big box. 😊